Thursday, 15 May 2008

I was tagged but ive forgotten the rules- sue me

So I was tagged by Mr Casanova of the moment- tininu... Teeennk you very munnnsh!!

before i forget, thanks for the comments last week...felt motivated to go on- Sherfield stalker- I see you!

I cannot for the life of me remember much of it and i cannot be bothered to go and start sifting through his essay style blogs- allow!! I leave the essays for academia!

Anyhow, if y'all are not member of the crackers club on FB yall need to be... for gerrit- these dudes smoke gari all day every day (or for the moment rice krispies)- I dont think they are nutters per se... Hit me up when you are famous oputu/beej/dbanj/REEEaaaalph

Anyhow, back to being tagged. I was gonna write an essay about being tagged and what it meant and how it affected me but i thought i dont want to bore you into a coma...

anyhow, 6 quirky things about me- Lawd- this is gonna be boring- If i wrote about gari but that is bait!

DISCLAIMER**i am not, I repeat NOT quirky- kini quirky sef? weird but cool abi wetin?

I dont think these are quirky but these are stuvvs that makes me different
so here goes-
1) I love the following on goiz- suede russell and bromley shoes- take your pic navy blue or brown- you can have the leather ones so long as its got the tassels- BRRAP!! teww mad! that was one- the others are a goiz with a heptagon face(7 sides- not 8- dont want him to look like a ball of eba! and not 4 cos thats boring- not three cos that is deformed! what else? clean finger nails, a car( preferred but by no means essential) black like dudu oshun and a smile that would make sensodyne pronamel proud!- I dont think its quirky, i am just very particular- please dont start pulling these fashion moves- it is only for the serious people who actually GET mens fashion!
But i hate guys with really grand cars at this tender age- effizi is soooo passe!!- when we are rolling in it and collecting mad douche from corporate stuvvs or are self made people then yes but for now? it shows you dont know the value of money which is why babes follow you like flies to shit homie!

2) I am a sarcastic little minx! Stone yourself if you dont undertand my sarcasm- its not my fault you were born with 2 brain cells.I just like being sarcastic- i get it from both my parents who are just great! I remember one time when momsi said 'well done' to me after i swept the kitchen floor- i thought she was being sarcastic cos thats what she says when we have done something a little too retarded for her liking!! but that day, kai- that 10 year old brain was KONFUSED MEN!!
They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit- but you that person was a BILLY NO MATES!- I wont go as far as to say it makes the world go round cos ill have my physics comrades to answer to but it really does lighten the mood- ie some guy chats you up and youre like 'yah. because that was funny!' and then you start laughing cos you kept a straingt face for so long!!- Sarcasm is majorly quirky!

3) I have issues with goiz- especially ones with those thick 1980s NHS glasses with the off creme/caramel lens and frame(actually, the one that tried to get into the promised land cos I was ouddie wore glasses- Saw his skank ass with his girlfriend feeling like one oga- more like ogre but anyhow...- dickhead- for want of a better word...on wards and definately upwards...

4) I used to be very timid, coy, shy, easily embarrouszzed!! -EVERYTHING- i still am depending on my mood...- i only really feel comfortable when im at home whiling out to queens 'another one bites the dust' or some SNAP! Ive got the power-
I think big gestures are nice but not for me- i start sweating, and breathing heavily (sorta like when youre having withdrawl symptoms of puff puff and suya!)
I cannot bear the thought of being the centre of attention like that- its not in my nature at all

5) I analyze EVERYTHING- from why someone put the plate 1 meter from the sink to why someone gave me a complement in front of someone else...Its not that I dont trust people its cos i really try and understand people- i suppose thats why i know my friends- but funnily enough, my friends dont have the first clue about me- like for realzz- I sometimes do a quick gesture analysis when i first meet someone

I have exceptional game for a babe- When i say GAME i mean GAME- not the whole fronting stuvvs- It follows on from the analysing thing really- I use the information gathered to construct a generic profile for that category of species- i.e. 9ja men from festac, 9ja guys from Ikoyi,9ja guys from Kaduna, 9ja guys from Port Harcourt... 9ja men with two tone crocodile shoes(GAY!!)- leave that stuvvs to Koffi Olamides crew men!That is not our portion...

This week we should keep hengish in our thoughts as she follows the STRAIGHT AND NARROW!! Koko is a NONO!!
Tininu- there is freedom in forgiveness- Please allow the 9ja babes that do 0800-koko-runz-(calls charged at premium rate-£2.50 per minute for the first 2 minutes and £5 there after)-

MISS PEARSE REFUSES TO UPDATE- When i start throwing bones from the goat meat pepper soup then you will know...

So a week til the end of the koko drought- wat to do- get the hurr done?hmmmm, get a pedicure...hmmm- find some exotic jungle fever stuvvs like tininu? tempting but those ones dont know how to shower with proper go slow traffic sponge and they are too hairy- hair in their nose, hair in their ear, hair on their surprised they dont have hair in their palm!!! and dem dey say its us wey look like monkey- they musta discovered everything but a mirror when they made up that theory!!

SO to bed i go- ALONE HENGISH- no human beings, no electronics, notinzzz...

and so to bed...

Tuesday, 6 May 2008

3 weeks til the end of the koko drought!!

So i decided to go to brent cross today because i really needed to get some sort of fasheen fix and i came home with nothing!!I sorta got over HIM this weekend- some of my mates at church sat me down, picked my brains til I was orange and then decided I was sane enough to contribute to the dilemmas going on in other peoples lives!!

So i went to brent cross- sitting on the 189(yeah, sue me- not the most glam of ways to enter BX but last i checked, money did not grow on the pear tree in the garden, nor in the rosemary bush...) -Before I forget, i found narrings so i have decided to make my own clothes!! instead of looking for a fasheen fix...why not make your own fasheen fix and if it cocks up- itll be more fun!!

Anyho, so Im over HIM right? Yes I AM!!So I am on the bus minding my own business and then this 9ja woman brings out the this day style me with my elongated eyes stare like a mofo- Who do i bloody see in the mag though...only the guys bloody sister!Dont ask...long story but it was his sister...I was like over that...

Then in brent cross now..trying to buy some shoes in russell and bromley for this wedding this saturday( trying to ease the pressures of the koko drought) and there was another reminder- the guys brother in law(to be) Its good i know faces but sometimes it just doesnt help me...

Anyhow, I realised this weekend that the koko drought has been self inflicted!!I have closed my eyes and therefore have not seen- now my eyes are open and I am like okkkaaayyyy!!

So there is this dude- i dont find him attractive and I really dont fancy him- my friends from around the way(not my jammo ones sha) are like hes my type- but what the heck is my type?? anyhow, i see what they mean...he actually is my type- minus the fact that he didnt go to uni and he does not work in the city!!AARRRGGHH- i always planned on marrying an investment wanker( most of them are so this is my new title for them- that being said, most of my friends are so i better hush)

so I see both his sister and his future brother in law(if and when he proposes to her) in brent cross and i dont trip cos usually i would be like 'shiii iiiittttt' what if i see him?? least im looking good but what if i see him???NOOOO this is not happenning to me!!' that is usually the thought process i have when it comes to him- but we are over that now...

I remember in the summer when i saw 2 of his friends in south london(dont ask me what i was doing there) as soon as i saw them, i got a migrane- no joke- if that isnt a sign that the guy is bad news i dont know what i understand the good girls and bad boys theory

2 things i need to tell you about before i forget...
- I am over him- My friend told me about how its my subconscious only wanting him cos i cant have him as he has a girlfriend!!and it all boils down to intimacy...that is another entry altogether my frennn

-The second one is that I had a dream about this guy- the one i said i dont like- and i dont like him- for many reasons-
He is London boy- we will call him Sunny- if you guess his name ill give you a 1kg bag of Ijebu gari-and you know the stuvvs dont come cheap!!
He is perfect height, dark, nice legs,ok muscles and very very very sexy swagger but I just dont find him attractive...
HE IS JAMMO!!!NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What am i gonna doooo???

So i had a dream about him and in the dream all he said was 'Vindi come with me...or something like that...and in the dream i remember thinking 'aww, i feel sooo warm and googly inside(not in that way Hengish-WELCOMMZZ BAC BTW) and how I liked the fact that he was assertive and domineering- Im one of those people that finds it easy to dominate if given the opportunity otherwise I get very VERY SHY( yes Mr Sherfield- you were right) but its not obvious!

So that was the dream and now im thinking 'i still dont like him' we all went out yesterday and I asked hm a question only to be blanked- RUDE- i suppose he didnt hear me cos i went into VSM-vindi shy mode-

my main point is that- I dont fancy him why cant I just like single, hot, men- nigerian men that i am attracted to...I dont even know him- we have several mutual friends but i dont even want to go there...

So the plan is to not get ahead of myself- just cos i had a dream about him does not mean anything- koko drought playing tricks on a girls mind!!mean- as hengish said 'the devil is a liar-say no!'

two songs for you for the next few days...when you hear this think of me...

Computer love by zap and roger- if you know about this YOU ARE ON A SERIOUS MUSIC TING

Ace of base- I saw the sign and all that she wants

The weather is tooo mad at the mo...have to urge to get naked!not really-

So...any luck with using those gari sayings?lolz


Friday, 2 May 2008

Apple bottom jeans, boots with the furr...I have neither cos my ass can fit perfectly well into Gap jeans & Im not razz to commit such a FURR PAS-lol

HIIII EVERYONE!!! Tis I, QUEEN VINDI- abeg, who dash?? Its vindi'gyal!hahaha- im d'vindi!!that was razz I know...not the best way to start...

Id like to say a few thank yous for a few people who have made my week that little bit more garilicious!- sue me im razz
Undressed polaroid has won for the number of blog entries you can have in one week- not only is the gist sweet, but its also we shall name undressed 'articulately sweet'... Shes been on the circuit longer than I have and i was gonna be really clever and throw as many adjectives at her as i could but if i summed it up as BOUNZ you would get what i mean so ill stick to bounz...I have not had the time to go through the archive of entries but they are very nice-
Thanks for inspiring me to follow the long and skinny path- size zero before summer o! or as near as i can get!

and de hoda pesin I would like to do(yes, do) vott of tens for is uncle broda tininu!!Oga, from de top of de himperial library- i salute you...not once, not twice, not even tree times...but a whole 4 times-

Seeing as yall loved my gari for thought so much (no, im not biggin myself up) I thought I would give you guys something to do- as some of y'all are in the library and odas jus dey collect douche(via correct means o-none of that google runz o)

Anyhow, I want you guys to see how many times you can write, say, mime, think of the following statements:
*thats just the way the gari crumbles
*Gari for thought
*Please, for the love of gari...(continue sentence)

If you manage to get more sayings involving gari, please dont hesitate to add o!! you know we can never have too much gari ehn!!

People stink on the train!! err man!!- see how my chanel allure just disappeared into stinky thin air!!lol!! And why do I always have to be next to the fat guy!! i dont mind fat babes-not in the non platonic sense but as friends...shitteee im diggin myself a hole....moving on- my point is that mammoth like babes are cleaner than mommoth like males-

And what is up with halitosis??!!Awon curry people didnt brush his teeth and now ran on the train and was breathing inside my body- i felt sooo dirty-all that stale naan bread and chick peas and pilau rice!! its like some people baff in madras and moisturise in a freakin tikka masala!! but then again when you head down to abbey wood sides( sorry guys but i gotta say this- AND DONT ASK ME WHAT I WAS DOING IN SOUTH EAST LONDON-LONGEST OF STORIES...but you know me...ill tell you in good time) anyhow... when you get to Abeey Wood, kai...take your pick...what do you want to smell- efo riro, or is it burukutu,ogogoro, egusi, dried okro, fresh okro, cray fish(me, i dont know WHERE exactly the smell is coming from but i know WHO it is coming from)!!

Oh, im an idiot by the way- i know i never say this but i really am a (mu)2!! i went to go and do something stupid on facebook...WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GIRL!!!??
Miss Pearse(didnt think i have forgotten you right?) you said the koko drought would start to ease when summer started to come...well its more or less summer in jand(you know what the weather is like in this country...summer is but a week(if that even)!!

anyhow, the stupid thing i did was add HIM on facebook... you know when God tells you to forgerrit and you because what if just doesnt do it, you send yourslf to facebook and start doing sillyness... Im SOOOOO unbelieveable mad with myself... I think i deserve a royal stoning of common sense and logic!!I used to be indestructible now im just vindi wishing what if... oh whatever...lemme actually give you the story of how i ended up adding him...
So i went onto facebook and i told myself to face my demons- shebi its God that created the devil and we as children of God should not be afraid of anything on this earth apart from God... anyhow... following a funny week with my friends disappointing me i thought, hes not that bad. least i know hes a conniving cheat with sexy eyes- what is the harm? after toying with the idea of adding him... I did it...not a big deal for you, but for me...I nearly died-like for reals...I wanted to rip my heart out, flog it and leave it somewhere in darfur to dry up cos men- anything is better than the feeling of losing!! OH LORD forgive me!

Then I said, im not gonna look at his pictures...that only lasted a day...then i thought 'yea, wallever...i wont even fancy him again' thats how the buffness bit me in my ass- i still cant sit down...

moving on...well, ill tell you this...i will not be writing on his wall and i WILL NOT I REPEAT NOT be writing him a blog entry length message on facebook-I PRAy


Anyhow, this is for you hengish... i saw this guy and i thought of someone who is sadly quite familiar- but the one we 'know' is the darfur striken version of the guy below- harsh?perhaps...

the next blog is dedicated to all of us who learnt how to dance in the 90's!! get ready for some ace of base, snap, culture beat and corona(not the beer nor the school) so get ready to shake your nyash(like tintin was doing when she saw Mr wahala drama and kissed him)!! Ys, i was a late developer...was born in the 80s but learned to dance in the 90's- when i say dance i mean, JAM!!

guys this is a quick one sorry but its exam time...who has time to be reading other peoples blogs like their degree depends on it(minus me of course!)

so guys before i go, i need help with a few things- you see how people have people on their blog roll right?? well vindi is bush (what kind of blog entry is this? ive never hurled so mush abuse at myself in one blog) I dont know how to add people so i have to now be clicking and clicking... computer are not for me...and that thing where you do that think where you like a word to a website...oh goodness...see how im exposing my bushness!! kish! I am finished!! i know slater you are gonna rain abuse on me so i have my pagoda shaped umbrella ready for you!! (i cant link it so ur gonna have to google it sha if you dont know what a pagoda shaped umbrella is)

So peoples... for the next session vith vindi(get your head out of the derry marina warrer) get your feet ready...we are gonna be doing some danzing o! Im talking about the 'aunty spray me' dancing o!! so make sure you have enough space in your room to to the cabbage and hammer time and the bogul, and the butterfly(not the one on one leg or is it knee sef?)

k ma peoples... until then i leave you with this...

and you are a G(yes i said it, G!! if you know the lyrics to this jam...

hint.. 'work the body, work work the body, slow down gurl you bout to hurt somebody'- me and my sister still jam like 7 year olds in the living room when shes at home!!

enjoy and do not mock!!big willy styllleee!!that sounds soooooo worng on soooo many levels(ok just one level but its sha nasty!!)

adios amigo...