Friday, 31 August 2007

Ive turned gay

Yes thats right, your girl vindi is now a gaylord!!but not in the sense ur thinking!!!ive done a lot of growing up in the last few days-and i mean a lot!!!

Was having a conversation with God(as you do when youve hit rock bottom and so the only way is up) and i realised sooo many things- some of which id rather not admit but this is me in all my glory so i can say war da heck i warra!!

K, the first one is a major deal that i have been dealing with(better still, god has been dealing with me)!!anyho, i finally understand what it is to like someone and to have feelings for someone(Slater, abeg, pls no projectile vomitting). Ive liked a lot of people, ive acted on very few of them(one to be exact) and ive only really ever had feelings for one person!!-i know what ur thinkin...was it the one i acted on? my answer is NO!!and my 'acting on it' meant that i went to go and see him!!Im an ode, i know!!
So i realised that i have- YES O- HAVE feelings for him- the one with the babe that i wrote about like a million years ago!! anyhooooo, im mad at myself cos this is not supposed to happen to someone like me!!im a freakin hard babe!!who is he? like really!!k, thats my ego playing up!!

so i thought AND THOUGHT AND THOUGHT AND THOUGHT(YOU GET THE GIST) about the whole situation from start to finish and its just silly- we started on awkward terms and ended on even more awkward note- had met him before(not formally as in introduction ) but i had seen the guy in notts and we shared a piece of earth together and me like an idiot not realising how stupid and pretencious 9ja guys are went to drag myself and said wassup to him- it wasnt like i was drawnt to him cos that shit is gay but seein as ive turned gay in this blog, i think im allowed to say that!anyho, i introduced myself cos i didnt see anything wrong with that- im a fine babe, hes a fine guy- nature says that we should at least be friends(i hear you Miss Pearse "im conceited, i got a who's that peeping in ma window?nobarry cos i live in the penthouse" lol!!)

so i introduce myself- at first the guy is thinkin WTF is happening- babe has balls to walk up and im sure his friends(im not gonna abuse them today in this blog cos itsnot their fault they aint found Jesus) thought 'who is this babe that is just walking around like 2face ie- nothing dey hapun!!' anyho, after, i now scoped the guy as a guy would scope a babe and was shocked to find that the guy fine pass what 20: 20 vision was showing!!i swear he had a halo around his head-lol-dont mind me!

anyho, back to the future(or should i say present- i saw the film the other day- brought back memories of my childhood man).
so now today, 31st august, i realise that the guy don mess babes up and i feel like i really messed up as in i swear if i see him i might just jump on the nigga(not like that, get your head out of the marina water) as in id give him a proper love hug as i call it- not those ones like those fake ajebota babes give here trying to feel all posh with two stupid ass french kisses in the air like anyone gives a flying %&*k!heheheheh!!pardon my french!
yes so i have feelings for MR and im in a bit of a shit cos i deleted his number and now i forced myself to forget it and now i have forgotten his number- i know ur thinking its probably for the best but i cannot let this one slide- there is too much chemistry(remember the title)- i know he knows i like him and i know he knows that i know he likes me but the major problem of THE BABE is pizzing me off!!its nt her fault she has good taste!AAARRRGGHHHHH!!so this is me, 2007, over 2 years since i started this journey!WTF- but its only now that i realise that there is like and having feeling for!!i miss our stupid ass convos as few as they were!!me yarning the usual dust and him just laughing-either at him or with him! as goatish as that sounds, just the basic yarns without any talk of feelings was cool with me but now i look back that was not the smartest idea cos now im in this shit hole called ' i dunno what to do cos now i know i got feelings for MR O and i dont have a clue where the heck he could be and even if i did, i dont think hed want to even yarn babes seeing as ive given dude enough knock backs every time he tried discuss anything,'- some long ass title abi? im sure d banj wouldnt get it- dry joke...

Dont ask about Arinze, babes %&$ked up majorly(pardon my yoruba)!!i really messed up!

To conclude todays lesson, remember not to confuse feelings with liking someone!!it can really mess things up and that is highly unbounz!! and if you do have feelings for someone, get it out in the open-who gives a flying hoot!!

i know nothing can happen cos at the end of the day, as Ezra is his girlfriend, they are emotionally responsible for one another and are emotionally tied- as i have feelings for the guy it doesnt change that and i should really be real with myself cos even if i start getting all emotionally tied to Mr O, his responsibility is to Ezra and her feelings as long as he is with her-
all this feeling shiznit is mezzed up!!im going straight in my next post!

took 3hrs towrite this blog entry- started at 11pm on the 32st and now its the freakin 1st of september!!!woo hoo, my birthday is in a few months!!better start thinking of pressies!

love you lot like yam and egg with akara

Sunday, 26 August 2007

PART 2-man dem tryin to chirps shawwa babes/ awon small boys tryin to runs big babes

alll these 15 yr old london small babes are gerrin on my nerves!!anyone who knows willesden and cricklewood will be familiar with them- tracksuit bottoms hanging round their ankles, gold chain, ugly stunners like some 9ja boys we know and spitting everywhere like its a competition!!foolish morons!!

anyho, im in edgware chillin, sittin on about half a million(naira that is-lol) dont mind me, k, im in edgeware waling to a BS(bus stop-but dont tell anyone-then again, its better than husling a ride from awon geezers who dont bloody have insurance but drive nice cars-i mean, where is the logic in that-but then again, money doesnt buy logic!!
so anyho, walkin now, see one guy tryna follow babes, i now slow down, he now say 'Excuse me' im like 'mm hmmm' 'could i have a word?'lol!!i was like 'no, i need to save the planet'!!lol!!and he says ill walk with you, im like, im ok, but thanks for the invitation(cos he invited himself to follow me to go and sit at a bus stop!)

anho, now, i now get to cricklewood, and small boys walk past, me taking no notice, cos they aint even n my radar with those tracksuit bottoms!!so im there now chillin, guy goes to his friend
'bruv, would you mash dat?'
friend replies 'yeah man, deffo'
guy now goes 'mee too, id mash that!!anyday'
im now there shocked that 15yr olds are talking about someone thats old enough to be their moms(this is the gherro, peeps have kinds from the age of 9 men- but even then they are only 7yrs younger!!

so anyho, the small boy tries to holler with his spitting crew about-
This is the chat up line, slater, wiat for it yeah, miss pearce, i know ur gonna be ill at your work station,
'Excuse me, is your name sarah?'!!!lol!!i burst out laughin without even hesitating to think if he has a gun!!- london these days is full small boys with even smaller brains and massive guns which is a recipe for disaster, but God will shield and protect us!!

anyho i burst out laughin and so do the peeps at the bus stop(random peeps might i add) so im now there, he tries another stupid line
'Do you have a sister?' -i cringe and laugh again- the guy was crackin me up too much- he thought his game was too mad!!lol!!!see small boy!! so after swearing at his boys, for not givin him support to talk to me he walks off and im there at the bus stop trying to look proper and not laugh at the boy in front of his friends!!so one of his friend now tries his luck...
'oh, sorry, are you a model?'
i reply 'no. but i used to be'!!!lie lie!!!the only catwalk ive been on is my kitchen-i didnt even make it onto the fusion catwalk in nige last year!!lol!!so anyho now, im there chillin- that line was a lie from the pit of hell but guy was now like
'oh, you shoulda stuck with it' i now replied 'the whole size zero thing was doing my head in and it was a bit of a cultural clash as being full figured in my culture is a sign of affluence'!!i only said this bit cos i knew small boys would not understand what i was saying!!so i did what any crazy psycho would do to random touts who are disturbing you- i started yarning dust!!like madly!!anyho, the dude now comes back, thinkin his game is gonna be too mad!!-lol!!he dont know about Vindi men!!!anyho, he now comes up to me and says ' have you got a boyfriend doh'- i smile, knowing what im about to say again is from the pit of hell 'yes' the guy is now like 'i guessed as can i have ur number?' he brings out his phone and i shake my head!!
he now starts gisting me about how hes never had a babe ever and that he doesnt have real friends!!- i now asks him what about these touts with me at the bus stop?he says they are not his real friends i replied 'such is life' he now says he gets on more with females ands wants to be my friend!!lol!!i laugh and say 'ive got enough of those thanks as a model' lol!!i was on a roll!!the guy is still trying so i just say 'sorry but its not gonna happen'!!
this is one story!!there are more, ill bring them out of my mental archive when i get bored, but i think ive bored you enough today- adios peeps...I KNOW its not as nteresing as the title hyped it up to be sorry is all i can offer you!!

oh and if anyone asks, my name is shantel and i am from Bauchi!!lol!!stupid boys tryna lie that they too are naija!!

forgot to even add the guy from friday!!useless also- but had some mad body!!like i ws like wooo hooo!!!tooo mad!!but guy was yarning dust even when my friend told him to get lost, he was saying how he loved black babes cos they were feisty- i was about to give him a left hook and an upper cut men!!!

ok, guys, i need a car, i want the new maserati granturismo as my first car!!the car has effizii written all over it!!its one of those cars that when it goes past, your jaw is between your legs that and the ferarri!!

ps the gunner (arsenal) better win this season or else ill become a glory hunter!!

As much as i sound like one,IM NOT AN ODE!!Part 1-the double whammy!!

so i saw something today whilst chillin with my babe and i was like WOAH!!!so anyho, yall know the situation with Rinnie(Arinze's pet name)!!had to ouddie the guy- i told him i was having issues with moms and so i needed some time off to get my stuvvs together!!anyho now, see me see wahala- hes now callin askin about my moms!!i just need space!!i cant be havin awon 9ja guy runz precious babes-its just not cool!!lol!!IM VERY CLOSE TO CRACKING!!its not funny, im sure slater you wanna give guys a hi5 but this one is no joke- chicks are trippin!!its not the stuff he buys for me(that i tell him to return cos i can buy it myself and im too pround and i dont want moms and my brothers to be asking questions.
miss him a whole lot but babes need to be strong!!(k, i cracked and we are sorta back on track but dont tell my logical brain of reason cos itll be real upset that im doing something this daft and im doing what i advise my friends against!!
so anyho back to the matter at hand!!

one of my homies is seeing one guy that i used to like(one of those, 'it didnt work out' kinda things)!me and the guy are cool and ish, but i dont get why babe is being shady!!its all good sha cos im using this to my advantage, if she wont tell me whats going on, ill make it even more difficult for her to tell me-ive already started my madness!!!!so today, we went for a concert in the carni, so now me there chillin with my other chum 'Yinka' who is also waiting for 'Ngozi'- so we wait for like 20 mins and are lll waiting outside cos we have her bag, she now appears form one corner with 'Gbemi'- they separate as the enter the public domain like narrings just happened and it was just coincidence- im no fool homie!!

so earlier now Gbemis younger bro said to me(not knowing the deal of how i know gbemi) starts saying 'dont you think its odd that Ngozi and Gbemi have all of a sudden disappeared'!!being really obvious that 'hello hint hint'!!me being the blonde that i am say 'hmm. yes. that is odd' so the young bro starts hinting and ends it with 'im sure they arent getting up to anything-theyre christians'- now i trust my friend and she has no reason to be hiding it from me- im not one of those babes-im just a tad pissed off that shes been soo cagey when i go out of my way to be open cos weve known eachother since we were like 8/9!!

anyho, when she appeared from the dark corner with Gbemski i asked her 'Ngozi, why do you have that look of worry??you look like youve done something naughty'!!lol-im sucha biach!!anyho she says 'oh nothing...' and i probe 'so where have you been hiding?' she replies saying 'oh, i need to go to the bathroom'!!lol!at this point, i see gbemski(remixed the name Gbemi) give one steamy look at Ngozi!!hmmm!!anyho, im there like yeah warreva, if chick cant tell me then thats her own shizzle- but she sooo blaitantly avoided the qn cos i asked her 3 times!!*hiss**- i went to school babe, i dont sell okro on third mainland bridge!!
i later went on to say ' im sooo sad, i could almost cry.i just dont wanna hear any more bad news for a while cos ill just breakdown here in front off all these random peeps'- so she looks at me and says 'y do u wanna cry?' im like uhhh, i dunno...but i wanna cry so noone should say something thatll put me on edge!!!

ITs kinda cute (the two of them)but i cant say nothing cos i think she thinks im bothered but she doesnt realise that it was like 2/3 years ago and im cool with it as long as they seek God and are both happy-they got ma blessing!!

and another thing thats pissing me off is that i cant believe that my other mate might know and is also doing cover cover for her!!!AAARRRGGGHHH!!!its like all my good mates are kinda effed!!not happy about this but when the shit hits the fan the only classical line ill throw is 'i cant believe you felt you couldnt tell me- im really disappointed that you feel our relationship cannot weather something so trivial!!now i know what this friendship means to you'!!i know im calculated and crazy but God would not have it any other way and if he would, then ill probably be same very very soon!!!

so this is rant part one(but if youre reading it from the blog itll be rant part 2!!k, im ouddie, hope ur happy Atutpoyoyo and Miss Pearse(aka miss mia-hope ur cool)

slater, u don mess up big- vulnerable emotional 9ja babe and you couldnt even halla!!and when are you updating that old ass site of yours??sorry but i dont want it to end up like jack bloggs where ive memorised that blog about spatans and D'den!!!-talking of D'den, TOUTS!!!!you have been warned!!lol!!these days, its safer to stay in your house(even if you only have channels 1-5)!!i swear the razness is contageous!!
i wrote another remix of a song but ill spare you guys today cos i gotta do another blog about awon small guys tryna halla!!lol!!somebarry save me!!

Adios my people

Wednesday, 22 August 2007

Too much man dem on link!!

lol...this needs to be done properly so ill do this tom when im more awake!!lol!!!ive never felt like a cele in Willesden before but today, i was like queen Vindi!!and some boys are dirty!!how can you be spitting on Cricklewood broadway like anything??mad fool!!carry yourself on the 260 and go home ode!!

enough jokes men!!lol!
Slerra, so how far with the blog or youve decided to fashi that!!anyho, hope ur enjoying jand with its shitty weather- even in the rain today, i brought out my sunglasses and wore them - sorry but i paid good money (£12) to leave them to rot!!they are tooo bounz men!! anyho, i hope you havent been camping outside sainsburys in willesden waiting for babes oh, cos the only person you'll see is momsi with a million shopping bags!!
anyho peeps, this is a quick one, Ill be back with the real story tomorrow bright and early (i consider 12 to be early)


Wednesday, 15 August 2007

just a quickie

If you are from essex, sorry to disappoint, its not a quickie of that kind!!anyho, this is just a quick note, had to end my earlier blog entry on a sharp note cos the fam was about to bust my blog and that is not cool-u get me!!

anyhow sha, this week has been jokes!-did the usual cricklewood runs(had to buy plantain from that african shop) and some irish dude who jus came out the pub(drunk as heck might i add) shouts out 'Oooohhh, helooo Naomi'!!!lol!!!i just literally laughed out loud!!it was jokes!!and then i wore white skinnys in the rain!!-yes i know how stupid!!its not my fault-then my hair got wet and now it smells so i have to wash it, any offer?hair dressers in Knightsbridge i go to is 80 squid to wash so its a no go seeing as i got blasted in somerfield today!!there was me thinkin i had ouche in my account, hmmm!!went to somerfield and picked up some crisps and some other bits and bobs only to have my card declined!!then i went to the cashpoint to see the damage of last weeks shopping!!!YE PARIPA!!!(yes, my 9ja lingo is effed)!!my account was in a bad way!!lol!!no biggie!!!ill call CBN tomorrow!

so my question for you all today is this....

FOOD FOR THOUGHT EVERYBODY...GOOD NIGHT and ill holler soon about one stupid useless mumu head of a GM rat!!anyho, thats for next time along with one parry i went to that was silly to say the least!!Its like these days the 9ja community is nurturing guys with big cars and small brains!!-are these tomorrows leaders??please o!!!i put too much money into First banks shares to have the country collapse!!
Peeps need to fix up-

Oh, i noticed a website that i thought was quite'banj the razzo that he is was doing the usual 'no long ting' lingo...i mean, does anyone know of a 9ja artist that has as limited a vocab as he? and the other thing he says that makes me wanna just give him one mama back hand cos you put your hand in the pot to steal meat is 'my jammo friends call me skibanj'!!!Does he really have jammo friends???

oh and another thing thats REALLY PISSING ME OFF is these omo naijas with fake awon Americana accent when they never even step foot inside country!i know some have and you can tell the genuine ones but the other razzoz who wan kill us just for their pronounciation of ALana alone-kai!!chicks have suffered men!!at one parry sef, see one Ibo dude givin us some mad Americuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr mhoves main!!i was itching cos it was so bad- like reallllly!!
K, ive deleted Arinze from my phone book, gettin attached like one mumu head-suppose thats what happens when you spend your days and some nights chillin with someone!!allow not about to go down the path of ANOTHER MR. A!!-Flippin hell, im still not even over MR. A so i think i need some time with my thoughts!! The devil is a liar!!

k, sorry, this wasnt a quickie, but im off now,
but my song line for this week is from brandy's have you ever...was gonna do my usual remix but i couldnt be bothered- spent this week convincing all my friends that 9ja guys are foolish and are not worth any amount of gari!!seriously, they are not worth it!!
so heres the line for my stupidness of likin Arinze in this not so sensible way..
'have you ever liked somebarry so mush ee makes you mumu?,
have u ever nee'red somethin so bad, you'd use ur last MTN credit?'
hae you ever tried to find the words, but ur bain don soft?
hav u ever, haaaaaaavee you ever?

its a but late to be makin up songs, sorry if its dry but its me...step back if you dont wanna catch drought!

Monday, 13 August 2007

o ti to men!!!

Ive had it with 9ja guys!!!AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!bloody fools!!! Go and annoy someone else-honestly cos Ive had it!!!-k, arinze isnt playin up but others are and its getting on my nerves co sim thinkin this guy might slip up and that'll be the end of me ever thinkin of even trying to even allowing myself to marry one!!aaarrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!%&*kin heck!!ass innn!!is it so hard to be well mannered?REALLLYY!!!-i cant really go into detail but i will do when i feel more comfortable!!

So the funny things that happened to me this week are:
-Met a stupid tout!!guy was tryna holler and i just shouted at him!!i didnt really care-im tired of guys tryna holler!!-I DONT WANT YOU U UGLY MINGER!!

Friday, 3 August 2007

pops has finally popped out...

k, this might be a long one so ill make it into 3 sections- you all are familiar with my writing style so you standarly know that this is gonna be some madly disjointed shiznikkle!!
k, so arinze...can you really reallly like someone as a summer thing??ok, we're not doing nothing(im not that kind of babe- aids is real) but we jam, we talk and theres that *awkward moment* where stuff is supposed to happen but i usually fill it up with 'havee you seen that thing on you tube' and sharpishly fly across the room to the comp....i should stop teasing myself o cos one day instead of youtube, itll be 'have you seen my knockers'?lol!!thatll never happen....

onto my weekend just passed....kai!!what a joke and a half!!!went out with the girls and had a freakin blast!!we decided to try something different...instead of the pretencious 9ja crowd of student(this is between the age of 17 and 29-u know about those boys that always flop and move uni and change course-we all know of

anyho, so we tried something a little grimey and goodness(or as someone sometimes says 'koodness') we had a whale of a time!!so we get into the club(this is not traffic bar by the way...that gist is another time Flakster) so we're approaching the club now and i tell my friend to check if its bumpin cos the music sounds loud which indicates an empty club. lo and freakin behold, its empty-ish...we still walk in and the bouncer guy is tryna halla at babes!!allow, it aint going down...- we now enter....i do the usual feelin like a celeb even though the bank wouldnt even allow me to take out £ times were hard but thanks to pops men!hes not only lookin over my shoulder but hes also lookin over my account!!

anyho we enter the club and ITS A FLIPIN SAUSAGE FACTORY!!a slags haven!!see guys just staring at moi and my segzy babes!!anyho,we find a place in this club thats decent enough for us girlies and start scoping talent-i tell you, i was better off watching Hannah Montana or watchin paint dry than this!!kai!then one jammo guy now tries his luck with me and im freakin scared cos im thinkin i cant do the usual move i do to 9ja guys cos the guy could just knife me up in the club -no long ting!!anyho, the guy comes up to me and says 'b(e)aby, ya t(e)all!!Ow tall a yah?' this guy is like 6"3 with dreaklox and his shoes and some golf shoes that have been on sale for the last 4 years in one dodgy sports shop in the ghetto of south east london(no offence to anyone out there)!!

anyho, so the guy is now yarning and chicks dont understand a thing...i used to think i was down, as innn i understood all the man dem lingo with all the innit and brap get me, but i was not ready for the guy now asks my too shook thinkin 'this guy could have a gun rude Vindi hes like 'so was yah neame'? im like 'Vanessa'-lol!!that is far from my name the flipin joke...shout out to 'Instrument' and 'Rosie'!!!lol!!-the names we made the guy is like 'can i hav ur nomba?' cos the guy was jammo, the qn sounded more like 'gimme ur numba or me ah go shoot yah in dis pleace'!!so i tell him my phone is with my friend...he was like which one??i was like uhh, this one and i ask her for my phone..she replies(understanding the manoevre that im tryna pull here) and says its in the cloakroom in her jacket!! anyho, this is 12 and at 3 we decide to ouddie!!this is how the guy is using his phone in the club to scope babes legs!i didnt notice but my friend did and i was livid when i found out..i kept wonderin y she was laughin!!there was me doin sexy Vindi in the club and there he is doin FBI investigation on babes legs!!lol!!

so basically, 3 hrs later after the guy basically sat the whole night in silence near us, when it was time to leave, he now asks for my number and i have to provide the phone and i do...reluctantly... lemme just add that the guy (mr jammo) did attempt convo but it was impossible...


in the end i settled on laughin cos i assumed that this was his objective seein as he was tryin to chat me up!!so i laughed!!assss innnnn, I LAUGHED MY HEAD OFF!!!i didnt get a word but as i had eyes and he was pointing at ppl in the club, i assumed he was laffin at the same friend was like...'Ahhh, Vindi, thats the language of Lurve you dont say the right stuff but you understand eachother...'
dont mind her, someone put crack in the gari water she drank!!!anyho, i had to reassure her that it was the language of 'i love my life and im not havin no jammo cut it short cos im in my snobbish mode'...

thats where the story ends seein as ive stored him as JammoDPU1-Jammo dont pick up 1!!lol!!

this is one guy...didnt tell arinze cos its not a big deal, chicks are just catchin trips and we arent going out-nor is it one of those, 'we;ll see how it goes things' cos guy knows where i stand on sex and its not on top of him!!lol!-me and my dry jokes are back...

flakster, holler at babes...feelin majorly out of your life...and what did that useless tout do to seeinhim tomorrow so do you want me to step on his toes'accidentally'??i tend to do that a lot in a 9ja crowd full of pretencious 9ja boys who look like numbers 1 to 97 of the Ralph Lauren polo shirt catalog!!theres the big pony crew, then the pink pony club, then the headache bobby V crew, and the classic colours...i dont have time for the rest like the mitchelin man crew aka the guys that wear tight ralph lauren showing more than Vindi can handle!!lol!

k, off to bed now, hav 2 look fresh tomorrow
p.s. miss pearse, help me o!!im off to a parthy tomorrow and i know he'll be there!!!had some wild idea of stealing him from the parry and showing him a bit of the MY area but th3e area as i used to live where the parry is...God help me!!ill just allow it and do stoosh babe!!!

Part 2 will be on tuesday when i get that job...AMEN!!I CLAIM IT IN THE NAME OF JESUS!!

Anyho, ive got to decide what to wear, linens or tight sailor skirt and pastel shirt with paster blue jumper slung across my shoulder with some beads!

Well, got to go, love yall(miss pearse, yes o, the L with!!)