Wednesday, 28 March 2007

nothing dey happen-no joke my life is like an empty box of chocolates!!!

Ok I know this is random but really, this must be addressed!!

so is it me or do KC boys have fat asses!??I have been exposed to this breed of Nigerian guys while in higher education and all 100 plus of them(out of a possible 500,000) that went to kc have mahusive asses!!- I dont want to cause drama but the set of 2001 have booty!Cant name names but men- I went to one party and chicks were just scoping guys nyash men- and to make it worse, they were now doin the whole low rise stuvvs!!-guys used to do it and I used to feel really violated cos i really didnt have an ass but after booty checkin on friday, im def gonna have to do this again!!-just sit at the bar with corvoursier straight and give marks out of 10!!

I went to a few parties this weekend and noticed that its just booty gallore!!I was just feastin my eyes on the stuvvs!!-what did they feed that set?really?chicks need some of that!!
I decided that Im gonna chill with the whole guys thing. this is because of sooo many things:
-The games they play-babes aint gettin younger and wrincles are appearin so adios to the wasteman!
- the silly lines of 'we dont need to tell people cos they will just get in our business-ode!!see ur head!!you think i smoke gari with you? more like you dont want oyur 4th and 5th babes to find out and have a warrant out for your bits!!

Basically, i have heard too many messed up sories...the bottom line is guys like to feel!!Ok me i like to feel but this one is on another level!!heres an example.cos i tell you to chill outside the shop so i can buy a kit kat you want to vex with me and tell me im rude and you start talkin to me like I have abused you and your forefathers!!men, allow.

So i went out on friday even tho i swore i wouldnt. so then i get a call at 11:30 at night from him!!me im thinkin 'huh? since when did i know you like that?'- ok so we have been talkin for a hot minute (17months) but I stopped likin him as soon as he didnt reply my message-that was rude(this is mr B).i refuse to chill for any guy- VTI must feel and pose at all times-its necessary!!so he called and I made sure i didnt pick up cos he can be soooo annoying!!the dude says he works in the city- when people refer to the city i think farringdon, Liverpool st and all that- this ones city is edgeware road!!thats not even kingscross!!silly boy!!

I have a funny feelin Mr Cinema cinema(the posts labelled as HIM) is gonna pop up somewhere this easter holiday!!02 probably- and i will not be suprised if him and jake are buddies- yes you!!jake bloggs!!nigerians and their 3 degrees of separation.damn you 02!!-
i have heard of enough stupid naija guys getting nabbed there!!of all the places to go!!02!

its all good cos ive prepared my stunna shades in the event of me seeing him- you know the trick ladies - 'Oh hey wassup?' I didnt even see you. how far?...anyho, all the best my dear...blah blah blah'- he'll def give the line 'Ur lookin good' but cos its Mr cinema cinema itll probably be 'ur looking radiant' or some other gay rubbish!!foolish guy!!He know ill trip up and say something stupid like 'likewise' cos me i wasnt taught how to take complements- dont worry, my game will be tight!!-oh crap i dont actually have any game!!

at least you guys have something to look fwd to...VTI lookin like a propa twat infront of Mr pulling all the 'Ropes'!!

OOOOOOOOhhh, talking of stunner shades, what is with guys wearing stunners in a club??ALLOW!!! who are you??Diddy??who can you see?? nobody!!you dont know you look silly- darkness upon darkness!!that element of mystery doesnt work mate- you just look like a twat!!
Saw one of my mates in a club wearin stunners

me:this guy how far

the guy looks shocked and then responds

him: my love, i didnt even see you!!
me:i thought so...see your life!!
him:aunt, please dont blast guys in clubs now. fashion now
me:its not by force...leave that to me...lol
him:lol!!
the convo went on but its not funny so i wont go into it!!

can someone explain to me why some naija guys dont understand wit?Its not the 'language barrier' as I like to call it!!

went to a frineds place this weekend and i was all there chillin crackin jokes!!you will not believe how many jokes i wasted on these guys!these were carefully thought out explosive jokes that if anything would at least make you blush.from now on im gonna save my jokes for people who matter. And sarcasm!!that just flew over their heads!!Im soo not gonna pull a stunt like that again!!VTI is keepin the jokes to herself...who cares if people think im crazy cos Im laughin alone hysterically ouside the 02 centre or asda in colidale or better still hendon central station??bovvered?nah!!

I really wanna see this guy on the hols(mr RRRRRRRRRRRR)- Awkward moments really do define my life!!lets see how this one goes- Ill be lookin as fly as heck- I only plan on going out in the day time 7/10 days and never at night!!- ill save the scandalous outfits for june- guys will just faint!!pls dont let there be a party at torts this summer!!-its like my students union!!

anyho, I have something else to be doing- le dissertation!!

casha lairas homies-halla!!

Wednesday, 21 March 2007

As in, babes don @$%k up o

So im tired of this nagging feeling.

I deleted his number from memory and my phone...but I still have that horrid message i sent to him. I dunno why I sent it...it didnt even make sense...I was trying to say that i was weak for him...but it came out all wrong...this is even after i told him i stopped likin him with which he replied saying 'so soon?' I was like 'so how long does it usually take then...?' and he laughed...
so a while back I sent him a message declaring war and that we should never speak...lemme just remember it a little(i read it over and over and over again trying to understand my state of mind when I wrote it) so basically it went like this

obviously ive missed something.Its probably best this way but i called seeing as i thought we had reconciled and put our differences aside towards working towards and establishing some sort of friendship!!evidently this appears to have been more difficult than i had anticipated. i dont expect to you understand me - in fact i dont expect anyhting of you but work with me here,im trying. I like things done the proper way-no sugar coated stuvvs.ALL I can do is apologise for my antics.Forget i bothered.As you said, it was nice getting to know you. God bless you.

so thats the end of me and him. i dunno what posessed me to send it but i did. My mate a few months back lost her stuvvs to one useless guy and i was soooo soooo sooooooooooooo scared of that happeniing to me so i just chilled...i really wanted to see what would happen and where it would go to but i was aware that he had a gf and i didnt want to get attached to the guy when he was someone elses...its sooo not a good look. Ive heard soo many stories about their relationship...here are a few

-he is her toy boy
-she is obsessed with him
-he is actually going out with her
-they are more or less married...
now with these stories in mind i dunno what to do...

I cant call him...way to late for that...i think ill chill and wait to se him in 02 or wazobia or oxford street or somewhere...

We only spoke like 4 times but it was sooo chilled out...ok i swore a few times but it was only cos i was sooo nervous...I really wanted him on way too many levels...should i attempt contact again?or is that just too emotionally advanced for the emotionally retarded babe?


He is soo sharp and he can challenge me anyday...he is my intellectual partner in crime...we were so there and levelled on so many levels...y did he go and get a babe...?
Im not gonna disturb him tho...God help me...

Tuesday, 13 March 2007

Mr jaw drop and dribble

ok. like for real. im tripping!!!how the heck will i be able to get rid of this guy in my brain...a 2 yr obsession??no way
forget about the last one...I have another situation. this guy is FINEE!!!! as in I dont think i have ever tripped about a guy like this...he is one of those casanovas...certified walking std but i love it!!the guy has charm...when i say charm, i dont mean that yeye type stuvvs that SOME(not all) Naija girls fall for- the whole 'flash the cash and you'll get the nyash'!!!The guy will tell me about myself- as in, me.im the type of person that can offend people anyhow.sarcastic and just odd.I say how i feel and i really dont get the whole fronting thing.... the problem of growing up in Nigeria and in london is just messed up. I have enough older siblings who went to school in nige and then there are the younger ones,me included that have the whole britico stuvvs going on...

So back too my wahala...I have liked this guy since first year at that Bristol party in June....men...I have issues...so heres the deally...I liked him, then i randomly found him on hi5 (this was when hi5 was 'cool'-and no.i didnt look for him cos i didnt even know his name!) and I was about to go to nige. SO now I see awon geezer at the not so Famous 02 centre with one babe. This time, im sitting there with my sisters at pizza express and one sezy ass chocolate thunder walks past and im like 'yey...i don die-its him again.'??? and this time he was all looking into the pizza place and me like an ode am lookin back even tho he is linkin arms with a babe.

Now, Im not one to front...AT ALL...women are complex beings enough as it is...and then to add all this fronting...yey!!i do feel sorry for naija guys...

kai...i don kolo!!so heres the deally.i ended up sending one anonymous mail to him on hi5 from some created person...and was saying how i saw him at 02 with his gf...-the guy don reply sayin 'girlfriend'??I was like uhh yeah.
but basically.he said that wasnt his babe. but i quickly ended it b4 i got obsessed...

so now theres me thinkin...'how am i ever gonna see this fiinnne ass guy again?' i go to nige for summer and so my plans of seeing him at any bbq in brondsbury or bbq in dollis hill is over...no mama calabar in hendon...no buka in kilburn...ill never see him again' -no torts wine bar or cougar pinks...

So the academic yr starts and i go to see ma friend at one uni like this...lo and frikkin behold...who is there?? At this point I am weak!!!as in WEAK!! kai...guy fine o...-na one KC boy like this-the mannerisms, the swag-

i see him and walk up to him and say 'did u go bristol uni...?' the guy look at me like say i dey craze (sorry, im practicing my pidgin cos everyone says its whack-which im sure youll agree it is)
so the guy is like 'nah.and he smiles...' me im there like ok..., is this the same guy or have i just smoked too much crack? so i was like 'you were at the parry in summer right with 'X' (QC babe) and 'X' (AHall guy)' and the guy was like 'yeah...' so to cut a long story short, i spoke to him...and he asked me if i went to this unio and i said 'uhh no'.men i was dancing that day... inside cos I cant dance...im too tall for that kind of activity...all those limbs flying about...nah men...

so anyhow, a few months later, the guy say he get interest and tells ma friend...
like i said before, im not the typical nigerian babe and generally am highly unconventional...so im there now and i think...nah men allow this geezer...

i need to state summat here tho..i kinda got with his friend accidently 2 months back... and i was ouddi...didnt know the guy or nuthing...nothing like major kwavs but the small small kiss the neck and stuvvs but i was gonnne...and the guy no fine o!!one unilag dude like this...h factor et al....

so when i heard about the guy feelin babes i was like...nah men...guy thinks im one ashi ashi babe (ashewo) like this...so ma friend was like 'nah babes not keen...not after what happend with X' then the guy is like 'y are you girls like that?blah blah blah... what makes you think that concerns me...?if it concerned me i wouldnt bother' so i was like ok...

I text him one message like this...babes were a lil too excited and basically it was rude....
it basically said thanks but i know people who are more inclined to have sex with you than myself and i have taken the courtesy of fwding your number to the respective harlots...-even tho i dont associate myself with people like that.


so now.if and when i saw him, it would be very awkward...another thing was that it was rumoured he had a gf...he denied it and even sugar coated the stuvvs saying to my friend that he was flattered that people would think that of the two and he respects the babe a lot but its nothing of that kind... this is to show you the type of lyrics the guy has...
the guy now sparked for my friend callin her all sorts and saying she had said stuff to other people...-in my head i was like kai...y did i just not leave him and say something nice...

So this year, i thought, lets bury things but when i saw him again....i was weak...i think its jazz cos im almost 22 and have never tripped for a guy like this...as in hes just everything i refuse to have from a guy...naija guy, then hes yorubs...(aint nothing wrong with yorubs at all but I just cannot handle them...they have too much game...and i never win games...as in really, too hot to handle...)

so basically- i saw him and i was in awe.as in i was speechless jaw drop and dribble and the guy was just there and all i cld do without breakin a sweat was a coy smile...
guy then followed me out and was like 'are we fighting?' i was thinkin yey!!kai!!this guy u pas fineeeee o!
so we start talkin again...i initiate things..-yes...like i sed...I dont know typical 9ja babe protocol of the guy callin.....
so ohe ha one patry and i go cos he says 'it would be great to see you...'-those fatal lines-

i go and make a prat out of myself...-typical...he asks me when im leaving...Im like tomorrow then i stupidly continue the convo listead of letting him lead

'so y do u always ask when im leaving when i just got here??its like you want me to piss off'..
.even thinkin back makes my bele do one kyn gymnastics! he replies saying 'no not at all..i wanted to invite you to cinema'...
my head is spinning...I think in my head 'FINALLY'!! but the power of whisky and Disaranno and our buddy Jack Daniels... i say 'Nah. thats playing with fire...'
he looks at me with those evil puppy eyes that could cause a riot in any babes heart... he looks at me striaght, kinda upset and says... 'Im fire??you think im fire...??' am like 'yeah.' so he holds ma hand and takes me outside.'lets talk about this'...alcohol don pass through men...its late november in this country and im outside in a dress and nothing else...kai...madness...
so he asks me 'how am i fire...??what have i done?
me:well youve got a girlfriend and i know that for a fact and I respect that and Ive met her and I dont want trouble
him:(shouting) BUT WE ARE JUST GOING TO THE CINEMA!!
me:nah.its more than that...
him:what?
me:look i repsect the fact that youre in a relationship.Ive met ur gf and when i mentioned you to her, her face lit up and i dont want to spoil anything...
him:look ive had X and X (QC babes) stay round at mine and weve all shared a bed and nothing has happened...whats with the cinema...whats wrong?
the damn twat went to ask the trigger qn....
me:(pouring out my alcoholic heart on the cold streets of the uk) look, i like you more than i should and its not right.I know you know already and i dont know why im telling you...
him:how would i know...
me:ok fair enough, your not psychic but Im sure you knew...
him:i really didnt know...you didnt tell me so how would i know..
at this point some babe comes out ans is shouting about something that someone has done and so hes says- 'can you please wait here...' i nod but Im thinking...from when im feeling all vulnerable and all, you are gonna leave me??oh hell no..and i walk inside...
i go inside and try and enjoy the house party even tho im pissed and i feel like a twat. I try and hide from him but to no avail...
in my drunken bliss, I start chatting rubbish abusing nigerian guys and cussing the heck out of KC guys...(i dunno y.KC peeps out there,and 9ja guy-alcohol is evil. pls forgive me) and i do this for a good hour with a bottle of whisky by my side.

later on,in the crowd of people in the hallway, he grabs my hand and i turn to see who it is and its him so i unwrap his paws from my wrist. later on he find me and is like 'look im trying to talk to you but you keep walkin away. You dont wanna talk to me?is that what you want?'
so i reply saying 'lets just be civil.' the looks at me vexed and is like 'CIVIL??what does that mean?' i say 'just hi and bye.' on that note i disappear again...
the guys game was working...i was just like a zombie...
Im at the bottom of the stairs and hes like 'look.i dunno what ive done.i really dont.and i dont understand why you are being so hardon yourself...its not like im gonna take advantage of you. I really dont want you to feel like this... and i really dont know why ur being sooo hard on yourself....are you not gonna say something...
me:i have to be hard on myself...i have to(i really dunno where this came from-too much tv!!)
so he then says: so we should talk again?is that how it is between us?
me:(at this point, i didnt know what to say.i couldnt say no cos i didnt want to fll for some dirty trick.. so i was like 'ok'
he then proceeded to hug me and i moved back...then the puppy eyes came and lets just say its a wrap....i leaned forward to hug him and he gave me some walloping peck on the cheek!!!men i swear i redigested my food.my lungs just collapsed. i swear. Before he gave me LE PECK, he said in my ear 'It was really nice getting to know you'... and he walked upstairs...kai kai!!I properly felt a hole...but i was too proud to do anything...


i tried to patch things up saying sorry for runing his birthday party and all that and it was cool for a while.we chatted and he found out that i was uber weird!!

so I was cool with him and then somehow, i messed up again...sent another text message but this time i thought that he had been immature about things..note to self- no more text messages...the ambiguity!!
So now the guy and i dont chat...saw him 2 wknds ago and i just pas him like say he air... and men i really regret it now cos im going to nige in november for good- ive been here 15years...its gonna be a culture shock even tho i go back like every 2 years...
After all this now, i hear gist, hot off the press about him and the babe people referred to as his babe... at first she was just knockin boots with him and then it got serious...cos they grew up together and their parents know eachother and sibling too... so now im thinkin did i mess up?? or was i right to ouddi the guy like that...

Im crap at articulating myself so the point of this blog is:
was i right in jaboing the guy like that cos i didnt feel he was genuine and the KC stuvvs was not rollin with me...
should i recocile with him as in i know more what hes about than he does...