Friday, 16 February 2007

the emotionally retarded 9year old

just moved here from xanga...here goes...
i got a dissertation to do but i managed to find time!!!
Recent developments!!

I think i am crazy!!in fact, i know i am crazy!!!
I told Mr B i was in love with him and now he is vex with me.....

I spent the whole of yesterday doing jack all and i spent 6hours on the phone with my friends trying to console me-but to no avail!!!

I don't get why he is vex or offended!!this is me trying to express myself-something which i never do!!!i mean ever!!!-this is the first time in my life that i have confronted someone like this and i hate it!!-its weird!!i dunno why i did it.
so, let me just explain what happened!!basically, i am on the train back from some univ where i went to a party!!!-big mistake!!- it was like a secondary school social at Adesoye college/Olashore!!i was sooo sad for the babe men...

anyhow, Sunday, i am heading back to my univ zone and i have had this text on my phone that i have wanted to send to him for over a month!!so me and my fast self decide to send it. so this is what i sent:

''hey you, whats going on?tried calling you cos i wanted to chat, basically think I have fallen for you!!don't know how or why but i think its best I don't call until this episode concludes. Do not mock me or be arrogant about it cos its just temporary!!!I must be sniffing glue or crack either way, Im not well!!.''


O.K. i sent it in a text message..this sucks!!but i love the ambiguity of a text message-my friend said that it was rude cos it was like i had fallen for him but i didn't want to cos i knew i could do better and that i was too good for him or he wasn't good enough!!!- the whole point was to cover my tracks so i didn't get hurt!!i am a wonderful pretender!!- i could easily pretend that i don't like him after a while!!

the whole message was about reassurance!!- i just wanted him to say that it was O.K for me to like him and that i shouldn't be scared of my feelings!!(shit, im gay...somebody stop me) I wanted him to say that it was O.K, that he would be there and there was no need to worry about him mocking me cos it was gonna sort itself out!!!but for where??negro left me to rot like sewage in apapa

RIGHT NOW, IM ANGRY WITH HIM -ANGRY that he made me this vulnerable and this fragile!!!im never usually like this!!!i need a punching bag with his head on it!!!- so i can hug it and then punch it silly!!!Watch, he has not seen war!!!the war is coming o!!!there was the cold war, there was biafra, there was even the gari wars(in my house) but this one is the 'why didnt u call u damn selfish bitch' WAR!!!

how selfish is he??i mean, he hasn't called to see if im alright....he knows that this is a big step for me and i have never done this with anyone before...at least he could be supportive!!!-

i really am vex with him cos he made me miss a lecture- i went to bed crying cos of him!!!the fool!!!how dare a man make me cry!!!lol-not really.just wanted to be a tad dramatic!!

you know what??forget this.forget the bloke.As Catherine tate would say 'am i bovvererd!!!' 'does this face look bovvered??' NO!!

til my next rant, my lovelies. love ya like fresh suya!!-and ya know thats deep!
think ma next post will finish the lib episode or i might do some more gay stuff like this let me know what you think.im not sure where i should steer my feelings at this point in time-and no.im not homophobic-ive been using 'gay' out of context for years-since i was like 12!!fair dooos, I havent grown up!!but who really wants to??
ciao my darlings

Friday, 9 February 2007

My Freshie Affair @ Uni Lib

So far this year has been fantastic. Working hard and playing even harder !!!
So heres the story with this bleedin lib!!! we'll go back all the way to last November.for the purpose of security, the identities of certain friends will not be disclosed.-yes thats right, muf ball, zizzi,and kay kay!!lol!! and anyone else who ive forgotten will not be mentioned.!!
I was in the lib with my dear friend 'sessa’. we were sitting there after the crappy advanced macro lecture. Whilst sitting in the lib, giggling away as we do, so some tall, dark, shine shine forehead geezer walks past and looks at us with eyes wey be like one ashewo!!! we both innocently laugh thinking 'what the heck is he on'??
I dont think you guys are getting this!!!as in you guys dont understand the severity of the situation!!the guy is MINGING!!WITH A CAPITAL G!!!

HE has a starched dusty aqua green shirt,some mankey vanilla loafers and some nasty ass cream trousers with massive gators in them!!-dont get me wrong, i like a guy that can iron (cant stand those ones at parties where you blatantly know they just took it out the pack and wore it cos its got that massive square folding line in the back) but this one was just SERIOUS!!!

i forgot to add two very important things to this geezer:
1) he has his on so trendy nokia 5146 strapped to his belt!!!how trendy is that??here it is :http://www.secondhand-mobi
lephones.co.uk/images/seco
ndhandmobilephones/bignoki
a5146mobilephone.jpg

2) he has his library card strapped to his neck like them security guards in selfridges!!!

so now we know what we're dealing with, lets get back into the story.so the guy walks past murphy and i and we are in hysterics!
then murphy says 'hes gonna pounce on you in a minute’! I obviously reply 'i rebuke it'!!! and that was the end of that....or so i thought. so murphy leaves the lib and im there continuing on with some work or another ( i was actually buying summat from amazon). so now im sitting there, completely oblivious to whats goig on around me-you must understand, the lib comp centre can get a tad noisy so i just ignore every sound.


so i hear one guy say 'hello burreful' and i start thinking...'oh that poor girl' and then i hear the same voice again saying 'my dear darlings'...and still theres no reply.i was thikin mennn this girl is RUDE!!!so me being nosy by bature decide to peek and take a look left to see what all the drama was about......

SHOCK HORROR...THE FREAK IS IN MY FACE....IM ALMOST REMOVED FROM MY SEAT IN SHOCK!!!!

(even when i think back i laugh!!!)there were two reasons for that reaction.
1)i genuinely was not expecting the action to be right next to me- and worse still be directed at me!!!
2) the FOREHEAD!!!!WOW!!!!SHINY LIKE SUN, GREASY LIKE LARD!!! I WAS MORTIFIED!!!-
now, im not claiming to have the smallest forehead but for me to comment about it is a BIG DEAL-literally!!

at this point i started laughin and the guy thought he had wooed me enough and grown a third ball to start talking to me!!
It-‘am I disturbing you?’
Me- yes!
It- ‘ ive noticed you about, and thought id say hello…’
Me- at this point I just look at him like,’ok bruv now get lost’
It- ‘so are you leaving soon’
Me- ‘yes!!!
It- ‘iwould you mind if I walk you home??’
Me- im thinking ‘so you can stalk me forever???hell flippin no!!’- but I politely reply saying ‘no’ not realising that I should have said yes and so I quickly yet simultaneously retarded say ‘YES.YES I WOULD MIND’!!!
He then proceeds to say, am I disturbing you again!!!
i mean there is repetition for emphasis but this one was just annoying. I told him yes you are!!He left and that was the end of that…

I have sadly seen him many a time since that fateful the day on that cold November evening. I saw him once as I came out of my accommodation!!!DAMN!! so he knows where I live with murphy,eileen and janete.

aziza and kanda saw him in action just yesterday in the lib. This time he decided to give us a playboy pose- ass all pert,leaning over on the table and slowly swinging his derrière from left to right right infront of us!!the guy knew what he was doing!!-the tease!!lol!!!!
we had a great laugh at his expense!!!!I kinda feel bad cos I always see him in the lib when im with someone and we just burst into fits of laughter!!!(yes, eileen, murphy,kz,ayo,jum and jetts even though ur all the way in venice HOMIE!!!!)

Right now im in the lib, and I can see his freshie friends randomly dotted around the computer area.

Ok, you would think that ive learned my lesson and steered clear of this place, but the dissertation has to be done!!(as well as the facebook and the blogging)
'Manny' described to me a similar geezer so im thinking the guy is tryna run game on all of us!!lol!!

Well this is my story of someone’s uncle out there!! Dunno whose uncle it is but when I find them, it’ll be war!!-hectoria,dont think hes from your side cos this one is serious!!!as in lock me up serious!!oh hex, hows my supposed uncle in warwick??next week is part two!!this one, although marginally more refined that the one in the aforementioned paragraphs, is almost bookworthy!!til then my lovelies, ciao!!

Sunday, 4 February 2007

BOYS ON A CHIRPS

hey.im new to this...moved from xanga so sorry if the story is a bit chip chop...im just continuing my blog.
i should really do an introduction about me and all but youll soon find out!!
Im the ultimate britico babe.dont front (cos i dont know how to) and love to eat.love my ends of london-north west all the way(cuss my ends and you'll get boyyd) and can be VERY local as in 'AJCT holler'!!.love using ghetto words that i sometimes dont understand-thats quite enough of me....so here goes

Uh oh!!!I think Im gay!!!- ha ha-that got ur attention!!-Im not really- i rebuke it over my life!!!in the name of Jesus!!!!and they all said 'AMEN'
I wrote a poem today on the train. don't laugh!!!I was bored and i was feeling like some Carol Ann Duffy or some other poet laureate!!so here goes!!!

lemme explain a little-
so ive been in this situation where i really need to put my 100 percent into God and so this is about not compromising your principles!!!If you dont believe in star signs then don't try to dumb yourself down to be accepted within a group of friends!!!what can i say???im crazy for Jesus!!!

Now its my turn.
Ive dodged it for far too long.
All eyes are on my lips
all ears are on my words
'So, whats your star sign?'
I inhale a little air to gain my composure
My eyes jog across their hurdles of expression
'Uhh...'
My tone softens
as my echoes cement to the walls
' you always do this, whats your star sign?'
My chest vibrates,
and
My fingers tremble as i shout
'JESUS is my star sign'!!!

Back to something normal......

!!!Remember mr a and mr b???read previous entry-well im sure you dont cos this is my first post!!!well I kinda think that MR B thinks things are getting serious and me and my stupid self am getting attached to him!!!- hello???why am I gay?? I need some horse tranquilizers or something!!KILO DE???since when could i not control my emotions???this is real gayness!!and then my mate told me that how Mr A said hes been seeing me at 02 of recent- me im thinking 'uh hello,!!!i been goin here for like ten years'!!!Happy he noticed sha....shows someones been lookin!!!- I wont get carried away...made that mistake one too many times!!!
SITUATION!!!

On another thing, I was in Cricklewood today at the bus stop and this guy from the barber shop who tried to toast me a while back(while i was at the bus stop) just walked past. the joke thing is that I told him i was visiting and had no intention to ever venture to northwest London again!!!little did he know i lived round the corner!!!!lol!!!anyhow, guy was TRYING TO woo me by saying he owned the barber shop and all but i was sooo disturbed by his mankey feet and his nasty breath that i really almost had to take a seat- either that or faint- then my bus came.

And another cheek.....some boy like this, who is no more than 4 foot 6(1.2metres) is all scopin me!!!im thinkin, what the....????....go pick on someone your own size. Me im not a short babe and i don't need a leprechaun!!!- i got enough luck thank you!!!-dont get it twisted im not heightist.I dont discriminate.its just like the guy was looking at me with eyes wey be like ashewo...

REALIZATION BOUT THE UGLY THING THAT IS TRUTH!!!
Oh and Ive decided that I'll never be the one known as 'the pretty one' -Ive come to terms with it surprisingly. But then again, I really would prefer to just brush my teeth, shower and go crack jokes with friends than spend an hour getting ready to go and stare at people so i don't ruin my makeup!!!being pretty is relative....and I'm relatively unnoticed (don't worry....I'm not feeling suicidal- I still love being crazy and random!!)
But sometimes i do wish I was the babe all the guys would talk about or the one that people would be like 'o!!!that fine babe' but one can only dream!!!its all good sha!!!Don't mind being known as the clever,slightly unbalanced, beastly, psychotic one!!!- that flows with me too!!!

On another note met some of my uni friends and it was sooo cool!!I really miss them.I just realized that I go to uni with a bunch of really cool guys who have no typical nigerian guys hang-ups and are sooo funny!!-why did it take me 3 years of uni to get to this conclusion???Anyhow, now im here i think i might host a little dinner for them once in a while cos they are naija boys and naija boys and food is like flies to shit!!!!
dont worry, yall will get some egusi too!!- In the form of a picture!!

well its kinda late-its nearly the end of my sabbatical so Im gonna have to cram in as much dinner dates as possible!!!!-yea right!!!- Its gonna be me myself and i at Nandos, Zizzi's and Ozer BAr!!!never mind. But if you see me around london, dont be afraid to say hello!!!holler!!!lol!!!ill be the loser in the corner with my sangria or glass of ribena!!
I hope everone is behavin and not man crazy like me(MStofu)!!!!

love ya like the third mainland bridge!!