i got a dissertation to do but i managed to find time!!!
I think i am crazy!!in fact, i know i am crazy!!!
I told Mr B i was in love with him and now he is vex with me.....
I spent the whole of yesterday doing jack all and i spent 6hours on the phone with my friends trying to console me-but to no avail!!!
I don't get why he is vex or offended!!this is me trying to express myself-something which i never do!!!i mean ever!!!-this is the first time in my life that i have confronted someone like this and i hate it!!-its weird!!i dunno why i did it.
so, let me just explain what happened!!basically, i am on the train back from some univ where i went to a party!!!-big mistake!!- it was like a secondary school social at Adesoye college/Olashore!!i was sooo sad for the babe men...
anyhow, Sunday, i am heading back to my univ zone and i have had this text on my phone that i have wanted to send to him for over a month!!so me and my fast self decide to send it. so this is what i sent:
''hey you, whats going on?tried calling you cos i wanted to chat, basically think I have fallen for you!!don't know how or why but i think its best I don't call until this episode concludes. Do not mock me or be arrogant about it cos its just temporary!!!I must be sniffing glue or crack either way, Im not well!!.''
O.K. i sent it in a text message..this sucks!!but i love the ambiguity of a text message-my friend said that it was rude cos it was like i had fallen for him but i didn't want to cos i knew i could do better and that i was too good for him or he wasn't good enough!!!- the whole point was to cover my tracks so i didn't get hurt!!i am a wonderful pretender!!- i could easily pretend that i don't like him after a while!!
the whole message was about reassurance!!- i just wanted him to say that it was O.K for me to like him and that i shouldn't be scared of my feelings!!(shit, im gay...somebody stop me) I wanted him to say that it was O.K, that he would be there and there was no need to worry about him mocking me cos it was gonna sort itself out!!!but for where??negro left me to rot like sewage in apapa
RIGHT NOW, IM ANGRY WITH HIM -ANGRY that he made me this vulnerable and this fragile!!!im never usually like this!!!i need a punching bag with his head on it!!!- so i can hug it and then punch it silly!!!Watch, he has not seen war!!!the war is coming o!!!there was the cold war, there was biafra, there was even the gari wars(in my house) but this one is the 'why didnt u call u damn selfish bitch' WAR!!!
how selfish is he??i mean, he hasn't called to see if im alright....he knows that this is a big step for me and i have never done this with anyone before...at least he could be supportive!!!-
i really am vex with him cos he made me miss a lecture- i went to bed crying cos of him!!!the fool!!!how dare a man make me cry!!!lol-not really.just wanted to be a tad dramatic!!
you know what??forget this.forget the bloke.As Catherine tate would say 'am i bovvererd!!!' 'does this face look bovvered??' NO!!
til my next rant, my lovelies. love ya like fresh suya!!-and ya know thats deep!
think ma next post will finish the lib episode or i might do some more gay stuff like this let me know what you think.im not sure where i should steer my feelings at this point in time-and no.im not homophobic-ive been using 'gay' out of context for years-since i was like 12!!fair dooos, I havent grown up!!but who really wants to??
ciao my darlings