Saturday, 10 November 2007

My life in the last month

well, after my little battle with demons of my past, i have finally come to a new chapter in my life- one that doesnt in any way involve men!!!-who am i kidding!!well its not like before so i am sorta allowed to say that!!

I really dont know where every1 is on this blogger sha!!(i know, egusi soup calling efo riro soup right)!anyho, back to my life- ive actually got some gist- its not like usper juicy but its cool!anyho, my sisters friend is mates with one babe like this- the one whose boyfriend i used to like- when i found out i was like gosh, there really is no gerrin away from it really!!!

Ive heard soooo maqny shells in the last few weeks its unreal!!one of my friend blamed it on the weather!!i laffed- instead of it feels like silk- we got it felted!!and this was in brent cross in full view of the 9ja peeps queuing up at the beaur de change zone(dont worry, we've all been there, queuing up those talla talla bills popsi sent you for school fees but you somehow got distracted whilst coming out of brent cross in zara) we have all been there!!i have not really noticed any bounz guys- suppose im just tired of the silly useless runs- like in the last month- people have been trying to sell me off to random geezers- when i say sell i mean sell me off for a pack of peak milk or even worse- selling me off for a cup of gari!!what is that about??mate sort it out- well my bounz lookin days are over- ok well not over but i simply dont have time anymore to be baffing up-= i realised that i look rather bubbliciously bounz natural- men and you know that is rare- so ive thrown away the mac and the dior eye pencil and the ysl mascara!!its all about what God gave me!who am i lying to- i still add a bit here and there- i spent a good couple of quid on that lot.

so what has been going on- i see Slater J has finally ouddied this zone along with ms Pearce!!as in guys far-

Funny thing happened after i went for an interview last week- apart from giving them some serious loud scary fall on the lift of the underground and almost dying of embarassment, i was now trying to compose myslef, i ogt out at waterloo to see someone and then this short oyinz(oyinbo dude) now stepped up to me withhis lines were 'fancy going for a quick drink'- unless im an alcoholic, going for a drink at 1 in the afternoon with an absolute stranger who is no way near you boob height is just a no no!!- me minding where my feet went after that devastating fall- you know the ones where you see your life flash before you as you lose your balance- and the thing is i had shopping bags and so all you heard was about 3 bags full of russel and bromley shoes (and a bag which is just too freakin mad) and my KG bags collide like an erruption!!it was very theatrical i must say- shame i wasnt acting and i actually was in pain- lol!!but it was sooo funny- imagine a city babe fallin head on her face with a million and one shopping bags!!?d'banj said it-why me!?

the other decision ive made is to marry a nigerian- upon all my complaining and moaning, i realise that i love the fact that they are arrogant, funny, very intelligent(if you hng around the right bunch and not the ones that are disgracing us with compensated 3rd classes and spending 8 years to do a 3 year course and lying saying you did a placement-as in FOR HOW LONG??lol)
Yeah, so im marrying a nigerian- seeing as my mom did and she sure as heck didnt do too bad for herself(she is nigerian too just incase u get confused)but the two are a blessed couple and i pray that God will continue to bless them!!
So what do i have to offer?hmm well where do i start- thats another blog- so til then ciao-

Men, this overw'lming feeling of bounzness is too mush for me!!til lellers, bwyeeee

Monday, 24 September 2007

Azzz in KO EASY men!

yes i know what ur thinking!!again!!'Vindi, i thought you said no more awon n9ja goiz'-i know-bite me-the guy fine!and he get ambition(rare in todays 9ja circles of pretencious nobarries-yes im sure you know at least one who acts like their shit dont stink and they are some sort of untouchables cos they are flowzen with stolen govt money or their parents legitimate douche!!-my dear, its not your hard work but theirs-go and get yours) anyho, back to my man issues!!

its not my fault-pimpin aint easy!!but on a serious note-i finks im onto something-ill have ot pray and get back to you but it should be a hot look!!actually theres two but ill gist you later-no wait three if i include the one my fam is tryna marry me off to!will discuss in a bit but until then, you have my other entries to bore you!

Thursday, 20 September 2007

Yay!!im 31!!

Not in real life i mean,but yeah, this is my 31st blog entry-everyone clap for me!!lol!!
anyho, what been good?me? just dey!!nothings been happening!!since i decided to become more Vindi oriented and less bothered about the man dem, its just been a complete disaster!!
People are trying to hook a sister up left right centre, up and down!!if i needed help, i would ask BUT I HAVE NOT ASKED SO KEEP YOUR CUPIDS ARROW BACK IN YOUR SACK!!
Ok, well there was one about 2 weeks ago that was keen on me but babes were not on that tip(ok,OK, guy was HOTTT but babes have to behave one kind innit?cant be acting like ur all feelin the guy now...thats just too desperado 21st century independent woman 'i get what i want' type of rubbish!!-it just makes me come across as a ashi!)

On a much lighter note, ive been catchin the usual trips in Willesden, Kilburn with awon 9ja peeps acting a fool!!

By the way....did anyone see the MOBO's???if not you really must see it!!-2face(big ups to my Idoma homie) won best african act and he broke his award and then when he went to collect his award, D'BANJ went to go and follow him!!Mr kokolet was just embarrouzzing men!!as in, even shaggy dissed him saying something about the mad man!!!and can somebarry please sponsor D'banj's wardrobe!!-i mean his music is live but his baffs are sooo not!!ive seen him wear the same outfit at least 3 times!!-yall know the one im on about- the one thats like a waistcoat top with black ankara material on one side and white on the other and then his trousers has like i think its one leg is ankara NA D THE other is some white linen stuvvs!!lol!!the guy shouldnt make me laff too much!!-but yesterday his trousers were waiting for flood men!!ok, im not dissing the guy cos Mr kokolet is very talented, there 'no long ting' about it- lol!!do you get it??-well if you dont then ur slow mate- and if you do, ur prolly calling me DRY!!!

anyho, well the other day i went out looking majorly run over!!as in, no make up, no gucci tote and worst of all, no money-but thats all gonna change!!Yall are lookin at(by God's grace,) the new graduate to work for UBS!!-HALLA!!!!!wooo hooo!!im still praying!!-im yet to send off my app tho!!but in Jesus name its mine!!woo hoo!!

k, i only decided to bump into someone one my bad day!!!aarrggghhh!!yes, i bumped into Mr Him's cousin!!what a shirry day!!!oh well, at least it was not HIM!! flaming heck, i wouldhave crawled on that cricklewood lane all the way home(which is a good 5 miles)!!men!babes have suffered!!As in, you shoulda seen the guys eyes when he saw my hair!!-lol!!it was only the spirit of God in him that made him not burst out and say 'cor blimey, whats that on your head'?? but he seems pleasant enough!!-but then again, 9ja guys like to GISt- they are (mostly) a bunch of bishes!!i don curr what anybarry sez!!all chatting!!-if they spent half as much time on their books as they do on their blackberry then maybe 9jas future would be brightER!!!(i said brighter not bright ooo, so no curses!!)

anyho, one thing thats really pissing me off is these SAFARI AWARDS on Facebook that i was invited to!!im sooo mad that they didnt add me as one of the bounzest babes!!-i mean, who made up the list!??
actually lemme write a complete blog about this award!!

by the way, if i dey shell grenade on this blog, ma binu ooo!!i aint used my brain in a while!!lol!!

Friday, 31 August 2007

Ive turned gay

Yes thats right, your girl vindi is now a gaylord!!but not in the sense ur thinking!!!ive done a lot of growing up in the last few days-and i mean a lot!!!

Was having a conversation with God(as you do when youve hit rock bottom and so the only way is up) and i realised sooo many things- some of which id rather not admit but this is me in all my glory so i can say war da heck i warra!!

K, the first one is a major deal that i have been dealing with(better still, god has been dealing with me)!!anyho, i finally understand what it is to like someone and to have feelings for someone(Slater, abeg, pls no projectile vomitting). Ive liked a lot of people, ive acted on very few of them(one to be exact) and ive only really ever had feelings for one person!!-i know what ur thinkin...was it the one i acted on? my answer is NO!!and my 'acting on it' meant that i went to go and see him!!Im an ode, i know!!
So i realised that i have- YES O- HAVE feelings for him- the one with the babe that i wrote about like a million years ago!! anyhooooo, im mad at myself cos this is not supposed to happen to someone like me!!im a freakin hard babe!!who is he? like really!!k, thats my ego playing up!!

so i thought AND THOUGHT AND THOUGHT AND THOUGHT(YOU GET THE GIST) about the whole situation from start to finish and its just silly- we started on awkward terms and ended on even more awkward note- had met him before(not formally as in introduction ) but i had seen the guy in notts and we shared a piece of earth together and me like an idiot not realising how stupid and pretencious 9ja guys are went to drag myself and said wassup to him- it wasnt like i was drawnt to him cos that shit is gay but seein as ive turned gay in this blog, i think im allowed to say that!anyho, i introduced myself cos i didnt see anything wrong with that- im a fine babe, hes a fine guy- nature says that we should at least be friends(i hear you Miss Pearse "im conceited, i got a who's that peeping in ma window?nobarry cos i live in the penthouse" lol!!)

so i introduce myself- at first the guy is thinkin WTF is happening- babe has balls to walk up and im sure his friends(im not gonna abuse them today in this blog cos itsnot their fault they aint found Jesus) thought 'who is this babe that is just walking around like 2face ie- nothing dey hapun!!' anyho, after, i now scoped the guy as a guy would scope a babe and was shocked to find that the guy fine pass what 20: 20 vision was showing!!i swear he had a halo around his head-lol-dont mind me!

anyho, back to the future(or should i say present- i saw the film the other day- brought back memories of my childhood man).
so now today, 31st august, i realise that the guy don mess babes up and i feel like i really messed up as in i swear if i see him i might just jump on the nigga(not like that, get your head out of the marina water) as in id give him a proper love hug as i call it- not those ones like those fake ajebota babes give here trying to feel all posh with two stupid ass french kisses in the air like anyone gives a flying %&*k!heheheheh!!pardon my french!
yes so i have feelings for MR and im in a bit of a shit cos i deleted his number and now i forced myself to forget it and now i have forgotten his number- i know ur thinking its probably for the best but i cannot let this one slide- there is too much chemistry(remember the title)- i know he knows i like him and i know he knows that i know he likes me but the major problem of THE BABE is pizzing me off!!its nt her fault she has good taste!AAARRRGGHHHHH!!so this is me, 2007, over 2 years since i started this journey!WTF- but its only now that i realise that there is like and having feeling for!!i miss our stupid ass convos as few as they were!!me yarning the usual dust and him just laughing-either at him or with him! as goatish as that sounds, just the basic yarns without any talk of feelings was cool with me but now i look back that was not the smartest idea cos now im in this shit hole called ' i dunno what to do cos now i know i got feelings for MR O and i dont have a clue where the heck he could be and even if i did, i dont think hed want to even yarn babes seeing as ive given dude enough knock backs every time he tried discuss anything,'- some long ass title abi? im sure d banj wouldnt get it- dry joke...

Dont ask about Arinze, babes %&$ked up majorly(pardon my yoruba)!!i really messed up!

To conclude todays lesson, remember not to confuse feelings with liking someone!!it can really mess things up and that is highly unbounz!! and if you do have feelings for someone, get it out in the open-who gives a flying hoot!!

i know nothing can happen cos at the end of the day, as Ezra is his girlfriend, they are emotionally responsible for one another and are emotionally tied- as i have feelings for the guy it doesnt change that and i should really be real with myself cos even if i start getting all emotionally tied to Mr O, his responsibility is to Ezra and her feelings as long as he is with her-
all this feeling shiznit is mezzed up!!im going straight in my next post!

took 3hrs towrite this blog entry- started at 11pm on the 32st and now its the freakin 1st of september!!!woo hoo, my birthday is in a few months!!better start thinking of pressies!

love you lot like yam and egg with akara

Sunday, 26 August 2007

PART 2-man dem tryin to chirps shawwa babes/ awon small boys tryin to runs big babes

alll these 15 yr old london small babes are gerrin on my nerves!!anyone who knows willesden and cricklewood will be familiar with them- tracksuit bottoms hanging round their ankles, gold chain, ugly stunners like some 9ja boys we know and spitting everywhere like its a competition!!foolish morons!!

anyho, im in edgware chillin, sittin on about half a million(naira that is-lol) dont mind me, k, im in edgeware waling to a BS(bus stop-but dont tell anyone-then again, its better than husling a ride from awon geezers who dont bloody have insurance but drive nice cars-i mean, where is the logic in that-but then again, money doesnt buy logic!!
so anyho, walkin now, see one guy tryna follow babes, i now slow down, he now say 'Excuse me' im like 'mm hmmm' 'could i have a word?'lol!!i was like 'no, i need to save the planet'!!lol!!and he says ill walk with you, im like, im ok, but thanks for the invitation(cos he invited himself to follow me to go and sit at a bus stop!)

anho, now, i now get to cricklewood, and small boys walk past, me taking no notice, cos they aint even n my radar with those tracksuit bottoms!!so im there now chillin, guy goes to his friend
'bruv, would you mash dat?'
friend replies 'yeah man, deffo'
guy now goes 'mee too, id mash that!!anyday'
im now there shocked that 15yr olds are talking about someone thats old enough to be their moms(this is the gherro, peeps have kinds from the age of 9 men- but even then they are only 7yrs younger!!

so anyho, the small boy tries to holler with his spitting crew about-
This is the chat up line, slater, wiat for it yeah, miss pearce, i know ur gonna be ill at your work station,
'Excuse me, is your name sarah?'!!!lol!!i burst out laughin without even hesitating to think if he has a gun!!- london these days is full small boys with even smaller brains and massive guns which is a recipe for disaster, but God will shield and protect us!!

anyho i burst out laughin and so do the peeps at the bus stop(random peeps might i add) so im now there, he tries another stupid line
'Do you have a sister?' -i cringe and laugh again- the guy was crackin me up too much- he thought his game was too mad!!lol!!!see small boy!! so after swearing at his boys, for not givin him support to talk to me he walks off and im there at the bus stop trying to look proper and not laugh at the boy in front of his friends!!so one of his friend now tries his luck...
'oh, sorry, are you a model?'
i reply 'no. but i used to be'!!!lie lie!!!the only catwalk ive been on is my kitchen-i didnt even make it onto the fusion catwalk in nige last year!!lol!!so anyho now, im there chillin- that line was a lie from the pit of hell but guy was now like
'oh, you shoulda stuck with it' i now replied 'the whole size zero thing was doing my head in and it was a bit of a cultural clash as being full figured in my culture is a sign of affluence'!!i only said this bit cos i knew small boys would not understand what i was saying!!so i did what any crazy psycho would do to random touts who are disturbing you- i started yarning dust!!like madly!!anyho, the dude now comes back, thinkin his game is gonna be too mad!!-lol!!he dont know about Vindi men!!!anyho, he now comes up to me and says ' have you got a boyfriend doh'- i smile, knowing what im about to say again is from the pit of hell 'yes' the guy is now like 'i guessed as can i have ur number?' he brings out his phone and i shake my head!!
he now starts gisting me about how hes never had a babe ever and that he doesnt have real friends!!- i now asks him what about these touts with me at the bus stop?he says they are not his real friends i replied 'such is life' he now says he gets on more with females ands wants to be my friend!!lol!!i laugh and say 'ive got enough of those thanks as a model' lol!!i was on a roll!!the guy is still trying so i just say 'sorry but its not gonna happen'!!
this is one story!!there are more, ill bring them out of my mental archive when i get bored, but i think ive bored you enough today- adios peeps...I KNOW its not as nteresing as the title hyped it up to be sorry is all i can offer you!!

oh and if anyone asks, my name is shantel and i am from Bauchi!!lol!!stupid boys tryna lie that they too are naija!!

forgot to even add the guy from friday!!useless also- but had some mad body!!like i ws like wooo hooo!!!tooo mad!!but guy was yarning dust even when my friend told him to get lost, he was saying how he loved black babes cos they were feisty- i was about to give him a left hook and an upper cut men!!!

ok, guys, i need a car, i want the new maserati granturismo as my first car!!the car has effizii written all over it!!its one of those cars that when it goes past, your jaw is between your legs that and the ferarri!!

ps the gunner (arsenal) better win this season or else ill become a glory hunter!!

As much as i sound like one,IM NOT AN ODE!!Part 1-the double whammy!!

so i saw something today whilst chillin with my babe and i was like WOAH!!!so anyho, yall know the situation with Rinnie(Arinze's pet name)!!had to ouddie the guy- i told him i was having issues with moms and so i needed some time off to get my stuvvs together!!anyho now, see me see wahala- hes now callin askin about my moms!!i just need space!!i cant be havin awon 9ja guy runz precious babes-its just not cool!!lol!!IM VERY CLOSE TO CRACKING!!its not funny, im sure slater you wanna give guys a hi5 but this one is no joke- chicks are trippin!!its not the stuff he buys for me(that i tell him to return cos i can buy it myself and im too pround and i dont want moms and my brothers to be asking questions.
miss him a whole lot but babes need to be strong!!(k, i cracked and we are sorta back on track but dont tell my logical brain of reason cos itll be real upset that im doing something this daft and im doing what i advise my friends against!!
so anyho back to the matter at hand!!

one of my homies is seeing one guy that i used to like(one of those, 'it didnt work out' kinda things)!me and the guy are cool and ish, but i dont get why babe is being shady!!its all good sha cos im using this to my advantage, if she wont tell me whats going on, ill make it even more difficult for her to tell me-ive already started my madness!!!!so today, we went for a concert in the carni, so now me there chillin with my other chum 'Yinka' who is also waiting for 'Ngozi'- so we wait for like 20 mins and are lll waiting outside cos we have her bag, she now appears form one corner with 'Gbemi'- they separate as the enter the public domain like narrings just happened and it was just coincidence- im no fool homie!!

so earlier now Gbemis younger bro said to me(not knowing the deal of how i know gbemi) starts saying 'dont you think its odd that Ngozi and Gbemi have all of a sudden disappeared'!!being really obvious that 'hello hint hint'!!me being the blonde that i am say 'hmm. yes. that is odd' so the young bro starts hinting and ends it with 'im sure they arent getting up to anything-theyre christians'- now i trust my friend and she has no reason to be hiding it from me- im not one of those babes-im just a tad pissed off that shes been soo cagey when i go out of my way to be open cos weve known eachother since we were like 8/9!!

anyho, when she appeared from the dark corner with Gbemski i asked her 'Ngozi, why do you have that look of worry??you look like youve done something naughty'!!lol-im sucha biach!!anyho she says 'oh nothing...' and i probe 'so where have you been hiding?' she replies saying 'oh, i need to go to the bathroom'!!lol!at this point, i see gbemski(remixed the name Gbemi) give one steamy look at Ngozi!!hmmm!!anyho, im there like yeah warreva, if chick cant tell me then thats her own shizzle- but she sooo blaitantly avoided the qn cos i asked her 3 times!!*hiss**- i went to school babe, i dont sell okro on third mainland bridge!!
i later went on to say ' im sooo sad, i could almost cry.i just dont wanna hear any more bad news for a while cos ill just breakdown here in front off all these random peeps'- so she looks at me and says 'y do u wanna cry?' im like uhhh, i dunno...but i wanna cry so noone should say something thatll put me on edge!!!

ITs kinda cute (the two of them)but i cant say nothing cos i think she thinks im bothered but she doesnt realise that it was like 2/3 years ago and im cool with it as long as they seek God and are both happy-they got ma blessing!!

and another thing thats pissing me off is that i cant believe that my other mate might know and is also doing cover cover for her!!!AAARRRGGGHHH!!!its like all my good mates are kinda effed!!not happy about this but when the shit hits the fan the only classical line ill throw is 'i cant believe you felt you couldnt tell me- im really disappointed that you feel our relationship cannot weather something so trivial!!now i know what this friendship means to you'!!i know im calculated and crazy but God would not have it any other way and if he would, then ill probably be same very very soon!!!

so this is rant part one(but if youre reading it from the blog itll be rant part 2!!k, im ouddie, hope ur happy Atutpoyoyo and Miss Pearse(aka miss mia-hope ur cool)

slater, u don mess up big- vulnerable emotional 9ja babe and you couldnt even halla!!and when are you updating that old ass site of yours??sorry but i dont want it to end up like jack bloggs where ive memorised that blog about spatans and D'den!!!-talking of D'den, TOUTS!!!!you have been warned!!lol!!these days, its safer to stay in your house(even if you only have channels 1-5)!!i swear the razness is contageous!!
i wrote another remix of a song but ill spare you guys today cos i gotta do another blog about awon small guys tryna halla!!lol!!somebarry save me!!

Adios my people

Wednesday, 22 August 2007

Too much man dem on link!!

lol...this needs to be done properly so ill do this tom when im more awake!!lol!!!ive never felt like a cele in Willesden before but today, i was like queen Vindi!!and some boys are dirty!!how can you be spitting on Cricklewood broadway like anything??mad fool!!carry yourself on the 260 and go home ode!!

enough jokes men!!lol!
Slerra, so how far with the blog or youve decided to fashi that!!anyho, hope ur enjoying jand with its shitty weather- even in the rain today, i brought out my sunglasses and wore them - sorry but i paid good money (£12) to leave them to rot!!they are tooo bounz men!! anyho, i hope you havent been camping outside sainsburys in willesden waiting for babes oh, cos the only person you'll see is momsi with a million shopping bags!!
anyho peeps, this is a quick one, Ill be back with the real story tomorrow bright and early (i consider 12 to be early)


Wednesday, 15 August 2007

just a quickie

If you are from essex, sorry to disappoint, its not a quickie of that kind!!anyho, this is just a quick note, had to end my earlier blog entry on a sharp note cos the fam was about to bust my blog and that is not cool-u get me!!

anyhow sha, this week has been jokes!-did the usual cricklewood runs(had to buy plantain from that african shop) and some irish dude who jus came out the pub(drunk as heck might i add) shouts out 'Oooohhh, helooo Naomi'!!!lol!!!i just literally laughed out loud!!it was jokes!!and then i wore white skinnys in the rain!!-yes i know how stupid!!its not my fault-then my hair got wet and now it smells so i have to wash it, any offer?hair dressers in Knightsbridge i go to is 80 squid to wash so its a no go seeing as i got blasted in somerfield today!!there was me thinkin i had ouche in my account, hmmm!!went to somerfield and picked up some crisps and some other bits and bobs only to have my card declined!!then i went to the cashpoint to see the damage of last weeks shopping!!!YE PARIPA!!!(yes, my 9ja lingo is effed)!!my account was in a bad way!!lol!!no biggie!!!ill call CBN tomorrow!

so my question for you all today is this....

FOOD FOR THOUGHT EVERYBODY...GOOD NIGHT and ill holler soon about one stupid useless mumu head of a GM rat!!anyho, thats for next time along with one parry i went to that was silly to say the least!!Its like these days the 9ja community is nurturing guys with big cars and small brains!!-are these tomorrows leaders??please o!!!i put too much money into First banks shares to have the country collapse!!
Peeps need to fix up-

Oh, i noticed a website that i thought was quite'banj the razzo that he is was doing the usual 'no long ting' lingo...i mean, does anyone know of a 9ja artist that has as limited a vocab as he? and the other thing he says that makes me wanna just give him one mama back hand cos you put your hand in the pot to steal meat is 'my jammo friends call me skibanj'!!!Does he really have jammo friends???

oh and another thing thats REALLY PISSING ME OFF is these omo naijas with fake awon Americana accent when they never even step foot inside country!i know some have and you can tell the genuine ones but the other razzoz who wan kill us just for their pronounciation of ALana alone-kai!!chicks have suffered men!!at one parry sef, see one Ibo dude givin us some mad Americuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr mhoves main!!i was itching cos it was so bad- like reallllly!!
K, ive deleted Arinze from my phone book, gettin attached like one mumu head-suppose thats what happens when you spend your days and some nights chillin with someone!!allow not about to go down the path of ANOTHER MR. A!!-Flippin hell, im still not even over MR. A so i think i need some time with my thoughts!! The devil is a liar!!

k, sorry, this wasnt a quickie, but im off now,
but my song line for this week is from brandy's have you ever...was gonna do my usual remix but i couldnt be bothered- spent this week convincing all my friends that 9ja guys are foolish and are not worth any amount of gari!!seriously, they are not worth it!!
so heres the line for my stupidness of likin Arinze in this not so sensible way..
'have you ever liked somebarry so mush ee makes you mumu?,
have u ever nee'red somethin so bad, you'd use ur last MTN credit?'
hae you ever tried to find the words, but ur bain don soft?
hav u ever, haaaaaaavee you ever?

its a but late to be makin up songs, sorry if its dry but its me...step back if you dont wanna catch drought!

Monday, 13 August 2007

o ti to men!!!

Ive had it with 9ja guys!!!AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!bloody fools!!! Go and annoy someone else-honestly cos Ive had it!!!-k, arinze isnt playin up but others are and its getting on my nerves co sim thinkin this guy might slip up and that'll be the end of me ever thinkin of even trying to even allowing myself to marry one!!aaarrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!%&*kin heck!!ass innn!!is it so hard to be well mannered?REALLLYY!!!-i cant really go into detail but i will do when i feel more comfortable!!

So the funny things that happened to me this week are:
-Met a stupid tout!!guy was tryna holler and i just shouted at him!!i didnt really care-im tired of guys tryna holler!!-I DONT WANT YOU U UGLY MINGER!!

Friday, 3 August 2007

pops has finally popped out...

k, this might be a long one so ill make it into 3 sections- you all are familiar with my writing style so you standarly know that this is gonna be some madly disjointed shiznikkle!!
k, so arinze...can you really reallly like someone as a summer thing??ok, we're not doing nothing(im not that kind of babe- aids is real) but we jam, we talk and theres that *awkward moment* where stuff is supposed to happen but i usually fill it up with 'havee you seen that thing on you tube' and sharpishly fly across the room to the comp....i should stop teasing myself o cos one day instead of youtube, itll be 'have you seen my knockers'?lol!!thatll never happen....

onto my weekend just passed....kai!!what a joke and a half!!!went out with the girls and had a freakin blast!!we decided to try something different...instead of the pretencious 9ja crowd of student(this is between the age of 17 and 29-u know about those boys that always flop and move uni and change course-we all know of

anyho, so we tried something a little grimey and goodness(or as someone sometimes says 'koodness') we had a whale of a time!!so we get into the club(this is not traffic bar by the way...that gist is another time Flakster) so we're approaching the club now and i tell my friend to check if its bumpin cos the music sounds loud which indicates an empty club. lo and freakin behold, its empty-ish...we still walk in and the bouncer guy is tryna halla at babes!!allow, it aint going down...- we now enter....i do the usual feelin like a celeb even though the bank wouldnt even allow me to take out £ times were hard but thanks to pops men!hes not only lookin over my shoulder but hes also lookin over my account!!

anyho we enter the club and ITS A FLIPIN SAUSAGE FACTORY!!a slags haven!!see guys just staring at moi and my segzy babes!!anyho,we find a place in this club thats decent enough for us girlies and start scoping talent-i tell you, i was better off watching Hannah Montana or watchin paint dry than this!!kai!then one jammo guy now tries his luck with me and im freakin scared cos im thinkin i cant do the usual move i do to 9ja guys cos the guy could just knife me up in the club -no long ting!!anyho, the guy comes up to me and says 'b(e)aby, ya t(e)all!!Ow tall a yah?' this guy is like 6"3 with dreaklox and his shoes and some golf shoes that have been on sale for the last 4 years in one dodgy sports shop in the ghetto of south east london(no offence to anyone out there)!!

anyho, so the guy is now yarning and chicks dont understand a thing...i used to think i was down, as innn i understood all the man dem lingo with all the innit and brap get me, but i was not ready for the guy now asks my too shook thinkin 'this guy could have a gun rude Vindi hes like 'so was yah neame'? im like 'Vanessa'-lol!!that is far from my name the flipin joke...shout out to 'Instrument' and 'Rosie'!!!lol!!-the names we made the guy is like 'can i hav ur nomba?' cos the guy was jammo, the qn sounded more like 'gimme ur numba or me ah go shoot yah in dis pleace'!!so i tell him my phone is with my friend...he was like which one??i was like uhh, this one and i ask her for my phone..she replies(understanding the manoevre that im tryna pull here) and says its in the cloakroom in her jacket!! anyho, this is 12 and at 3 we decide to ouddie!!this is how the guy is using his phone in the club to scope babes legs!i didnt notice but my friend did and i was livid when i found out..i kept wonderin y she was laughin!!there was me doin sexy Vindi in the club and there he is doin FBI investigation on babes legs!!lol!!

so basically, 3 hrs later after the guy basically sat the whole night in silence near us, when it was time to leave, he now asks for my number and i have to provide the phone and i do...reluctantly... lemme just add that the guy (mr jammo) did attempt convo but it was impossible...


in the end i settled on laughin cos i assumed that this was his objective seein as he was tryin to chat me up!!so i laughed!!assss innnnn, I LAUGHED MY HEAD OFF!!!i didnt get a word but as i had eyes and he was pointing at ppl in the club, i assumed he was laffin at the same friend was like...'Ahhh, Vindi, thats the language of Lurve you dont say the right stuff but you understand eachother...'
dont mind her, someone put crack in the gari water she drank!!!anyho, i had to reassure her that it was the language of 'i love my life and im not havin no jammo cut it short cos im in my snobbish mode'...

thats where the story ends seein as ive stored him as JammoDPU1-Jammo dont pick up 1!!lol!!

this is one guy...didnt tell arinze cos its not a big deal, chicks are just catchin trips and we arent going out-nor is it one of those, 'we;ll see how it goes things' cos guy knows where i stand on sex and its not on top of him!!lol!-me and my dry jokes are back...

flakster, holler at babes...feelin majorly out of your life...and what did that useless tout do to seeinhim tomorrow so do you want me to step on his toes'accidentally'??i tend to do that a lot in a 9ja crowd full of pretencious 9ja boys who look like numbers 1 to 97 of the Ralph Lauren polo shirt catalog!!theres the big pony crew, then the pink pony club, then the headache bobby V crew, and the classic colours...i dont have time for the rest like the mitchelin man crew aka the guys that wear tight ralph lauren showing more than Vindi can handle!!lol!

k, off to bed now, hav 2 look fresh tomorrow
p.s. miss pearse, help me o!!im off to a parthy tomorrow and i know he'll be there!!!had some wild idea of stealing him from the parry and showing him a bit of the MY area but th3e area as i used to live where the parry is...God help me!!ill just allow it and do stoosh babe!!!

Part 2 will be on tuesday when i get that job...AMEN!!I CLAIM IT IN THE NAME OF JESUS!!

Anyho, ive got to decide what to wear, linens or tight sailor skirt and pastel shirt with paster blue jumper slung across my shoulder with some beads!

Well, got to go, love yall(miss pearse, yes o, the L with!!)


Wednesday, 25 July 2007

hey...been v.busy....doin nothing

lol!!peeps...i have gist oooo!!but pops is behind me and his eyes are too sharp!!!it involves getting caught out in cricklewood enuf times, some sainsburys move in 02 centre and in willesden and a yardie tryin to move to chicks!!aaaaarrrgggghhhhh!!!with dreadlox!!!i wanted to spit!!!k, i cant discuss it now but i will do when pops pops out!!oh and i went to traffic!!that chris guy is such a tout!!!what is wrong with him!!he needs to get his heart broken!!guy was all lookin at babes like i knew him!guy needs to chill o!!before i bring out the hulk in me!!

oh and babs were lookin howt!!!as not one to blow my own trumpet but...PRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!darn!!!tooo mad!!i gave then celebrity entrance followed by an ever so glamorous look around the room and air kisses to peeps i knew!!i had to slap myself and say its not my parry!!

Tiaje was kewl!!nice voice-very shocked cos sometimes 9ja boys say they can sing and they just sound like a goat choking on gari whilst drinkin palm wine!!!lol!!

oh and i saw HIM in cricklewood- and i blasted niggz men!!chicks were lookin howt(again, i know) and so i could do them moves!!-

but onto the arinze!!the guy is SOOOOO nice!real nice!!and u know where he lives?yep you guessed it!!in northwest london- so the buka move is yet to happen but it will soon!!guy knows his restaurants and me i was soo tripped i just ate my life away!!i feel a double chin!!lol!!its kinda cool cos we catch the maddest trips!!i didnt think he was the kind but he is sooo funny!!
well got to go and fry yam for the fam!halla

Wednesday, 4 July 2007

my day trip round London

so i went round London over the last few days- from brent cross to brompton road, from king street to knightsbridge and onto ken high street.
K so the gari seller didnt call back but the |Arinze move is goin smooffly!!guy nice o!!- summer runs are always smoof|!!sorry miss pearce, there is no way im swappin 100% joblessness with a life and a real job!!allow men!!-but do feel free to sponsor my trips to all the parrys- i was supposed to be at belle de jour but somehow somehow im in Hendon central sippin pimms and lemonade at 12 in the morning!!-

i got my results and all i mcan do is thank God!!!wooo hooo!!!k, i didnt get a first but i sha passed!!!-the lord is amazing!2:1 baby!!!2 freakin 1!!Yosh, i know you were praying!!-lol- i dont know nadas- pimms talking- but thanks for the well wishing!!

ewwww....went to 02 centre today-not the dome one- the 9ja 9ja jobless hang out zone in north west london that every1 calls local- for even the ones amongst us that live in kent!!k, the massive EWWWWW is for the mouse we saw in weatherspoons as we sipped on out Jamaican dust pitcher(this was after the Pimms Pitcher we had)-no the plan was not to get ouddie!!!- but i saw someone i didnt want to inside that weatherspoons so i sat near the front-cos not only were chicks lookin ha ha ha haha hawwtt!! but to also man check- thats my new hobby now ive fapped(nicked) my sisters oyster card!!-
talkin of oyster cards(slater youll understand when you try using public transport in London), ive started the remix of Rihannas song Umberella cos it just keep 'rainin rainin..' so here goes- its only two lines but its about those 9ja scrubs
'i thought you had a car,
but then you brought out oyster
razz KC boy posing with Mazda
with that your friend from asda..'

ok so the songwriting style is not conventional but id like to think of it as a cross between lily allen and Neyo- i can hear the fam sayin 'neyo ko, neyo ni!!!'

so in brent cross, some small babe with her moms was there on the 189 bus(yes, i get a bus so what- chicks are broke- aint about black cab until i start given u guys £100,000 salary after tax!!amen and amen!!!
anyho, the small babe had one shirt with writing on you know me with my google eyes went to scope the lil oyinzy babe(oyinbo, for those of you who dont know)
so the shirt said 'trust me im a virgin'- i was like huh,?? and your moms allowed you to wear or even consider buying this|???i was like 'i should bloody hope so man'!!-14you know!!!

oh, on saradey, in cricklewood now, on a bus again!!this time i got caught o- me with my big eyes again.who sent me???anyho, i was noww on the 189 about to give my friend some douche cos i owed her and her moms werent givin her douche to sponsor her binge drinkin-lol shed abuse my life if she knew i said that- its all luv 'nicky'!! so she went to one parry called dune- which was off the hizzle from my sources!! so i was on the bus, and something drags my big eyes to that new crown hotel, the one near iceland and across the road from mc donalds- so my eyes go outside and who do i see??k, not HIM...but hims bum chum!!on e of his boyfriends(i calll him boyfriend cos i know 9ja boys are severly homophobic) anyho, i look out and i see him, the guy looks at me and me i look back-something in my head tells me to just not say hello- so i just keep staring- and so does the guy!!!i was in shock!!!lol!!AAZZZZZZ INNNNNNNNNNNN....the morasuka!!!what is he feelin like?he doesnt know my passport is not green like his- when they deport his ass- lol!!im only playin i got a green one too!!
it was so funny cos i saw him just look at me like 'so you see me and you cant say hello'- ode ni e!!you dont know i know every1 in cricklewood willesden, golders green, swiss cottage and west hampstead!!!fewlish trout!!!

k, went to oxford street on sat and saw one sharp dapper, i had to check myself!!guy had one white zip up athletic type top with some gold writing on the back with some sexy ass gucci trainers- whoever you are- the fashion police would be very proud of you as a model citizen!!well, it was raining and i managed to take myself to the waffle zone and buy waffles with two scoops of ice cream and i chopped it in the rain!!!some of it fell in my brolly but who sends??it was bond street belgian waffles!!-

oh, how could i forget, flakey, there is one guy at 02 for you- he works in Nandos- the name is Aziz!!- nice lad- and youd get a free chicken so its not bad really!!!he was very nice to me when i went today- ive never had service like that in nandos- 'is your food ok madam' did you want anything else with your meal madame' can i get your number madame- ok not that far but men!!

so had a dream about awon geezer- not him actuallly cos i dont dream like that!anyho, had a dream he called me and all i saw was his name flash up on my phone but i didnt pick up!!i dont get it! what the heck does this mean!!anyho, im over him so its all good- i know im over him now cos i dont caLL HIM A TWAT ANYMORE!!WOOO HOO!! anyho,in the dream after he called, i told myself that id call him back, but i never got round to it cos really and truly i had other things doing and then momsi went to go and wake me up to hoover-again!!!aarrggghhh!!!-

anyho if anyone knows what it means then do enlighten me. i have rebuked anybad thing it means and i hope that God can shed light!!

oh and bill gates is no longer the richest man so there is hope for me!!-wooo hooo!!

so slater in the club was disappointing!!i was really gettting ready, had my beans(sexy, might i add) in one plate, my gari with groundnut in another....really ready to abuse- i had my 'severe abuse' hat on as well- only to find that slerra has backed out!!tut tut!!ive been exposed by one of my guy friends- damn you- youre lucky i consider you a bro,, otherwise, i would finish you...itsm all love, just dont go tellin Tunji and 'awon geezer yahoo poser poser oyster' guys!!!lol!!dont tell em i said that o!! thats how ill have to be buyin my own drinks!!!

its funny how all your guy friends have at one point tried to make funny moves before they actually settle down to be your friend and start moaning about how this and that babe is not correct and how one guy i tryin to toast me and if i like them||(heheheheh.private joke)

k, is ever1 down 4 traffic on the 17th???its supposed to be aight but belle should be madder- cant wait to see the pics on facebook!!

some tracks im feelin now by our peeps are:
2face- alphabet...
KEX-U DEY MAD- men, i heard this track in feb and i was like- WOAH!!!bruv is killin it!!!- cos its like a london ting with the garage baseline and spiced up with the raw refreshing broken english- id love to give it to you guys to hear- but if youre cool, ud have it already on you ipod!!sorry o
KEX- shako remix- one word-BOUNZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!men!!- i even played it for my 5 year old excessively britico sis and she was seriously jammin givin us some moves- i luff it tew mush!!
KEX is gonna blow up one day-such a shame my morals prevent me from being a groupie-lol!!hehehe-dont mind the pimms!!AND hes a KC lad!!that is a BIG DEAL-

k, so ive yarned enuf dust now- sorry o- this is joblessness in its almost purest form-see, i cant even be bothered to use proper grammer- i dont even use my brain anymore!!this is real joblessness!!- i just need to stop watchin the news then ill be purely jobless- but im going to the jobcentre tom in finchley road- anyone fancy a bit of lunch after???your trat obviously- i mean, i can get myself there so you dont need to worry about transport!!!

k, think im a bit gine after a few drinks at 02- let me remind you that

WEATHERSPOONS IN 02 HAS RATS!!!!RATS I TELL YOU!!EWWWWWWW!!!!!!FLAKSTER, dont forget your nandos move and dont say your blogcuz didnt help you out-free chicken!!

miss pearce- so how does this job thing work and is there a wat to make money without workin and without doing reading uni runz- lol- k, its not just them but the gist i hear is tew mad- those peeps like money too much o!! its all love- wish i had the balls and NO ethics or morals!!thou shall not covet thy neighbours property!!

oh, and you that works at Gap in brent cross that is mates with Akala, i see you baby!!i see you indeed- esp when i got my java chip frappucino at starbucks!!
did anyone notice that mamiwater esque statue outside selfridges??i think thats the spirit of greed!!
and starbucks has one Jazz like pic on it as well- proper freaky abi?

well got a date in buka on saturday- should be interesting- standarly having the gizzard- no its not arinze-and no, im not an ashewo-aint nothing going down like that- i did not sign that contract o!!!verbally or otherwise sober or otherwise!!! if you are gonna pimp, you gotta pimp right!!-slater, look and learn- im sure theyll catch me cos they both are 9ja- one went to A hall and the other went somewhere else which i forgot to ask- but hes got a good rep and hes not one of those STD(sexually transmitted disease) kinda guy so my rep is in tact- u get me!!aint nothing goin on o- im a good girl who is never gonna go bad- amen and amen!!my fest will be my husband- God help me!!- its not easy o!!

k, so i still like him a lil...SHIIIIITTTTEEEEEEE!!!IM GETTING OFF THIS- FINGERS CROSSED I DONT DO SOMETHING SILLY ON anyones facebooki wall- help me please!!wouldnt mind quick ting seein as his babe has gone on holiday for a bit(a mojnnth actually- the things you can do in 30 days- Vindi, dont ven entertain the idea- its not worth the kola nut!!)...dont mind me o- its the rum now talkin- yey!!!lemme go and sleep this off- actually, ill have indo mie and meat and then go to bed!!!

bye now...has anyone seen the new type of gari- its really redish....-k, chatting s$£% now

Thursday, 21 June 2007

I ez back men!!azzz innnn!!!!

Yello???ow ah you??gosh being broke is not cool man!!kai- see me counting my brown coins!!lol!!so recent development!!
I text him one text like this that basically said what i shouda said like a million and one years ago but you know my luck aint that bounz so he only got half the message-had one of those *some text missing* thing at the end cos the message report said it didnt send fully!! anyho, the msg went something along the lines of:

'Hey x, i really dont know what posessed me to restart(i know shelling. i was damn ouddie) talking to you, but i suppose curiousity got the better of me. Anyho, i think its best i stop callin(well, he didnt object cos he didnt text back and its not anything he can control) and to be honest, you still have a babe and regardless of that, you have less to offer than i want. well all the best in your professional development im sure you'll excel beyond even your own expectations(cos this guy is arrogant so this is some serious big ups). Drunken text messages are not the best way to emotionally articulate ones self but thats all i can offer you. bye.'

i actually dont know what to say about it really- it was a drunken mess- allow chicks!!slarra- im sure you know we are dealing with a mad woman!!anyho, on to better news- i found me a new target!!-oh yes- Mr Arinze!!-yes i know, hes Ibo and i dont really go for em but anyho, we shall see innit- summer has only just begun!!- there is one parry that i know hell be at and all i can say is God help him!!-main!!the outfit is tooooooooo mad!!im talkin sexy and classy with a bit of retro chucked in!!- gwen stefani and got shit on me!!!- this geezer is kinda sharp- goes to a good uni(none of that Thames Valley nonsense-no offence but thames valley= sweet valley= a complete joke mate)!!!- but anyho, its fair to say i will not be going there again- k i said that b4 but this time its different!!-i hope- was gonna call tom tho!!lol!!pretend i didnt send it but then i told myself 'who am i kidding??-i can do better than that!!'!!

anyho, went across london today, in search of shares- all i wanted was to purchase first bank shares!!-but what happened- flipin 9ja bank went to take this berreful babe to LEWISHAM!!!!YES I KNOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!i was ill!!!k, i didnt actually get to LEWISHAM-ended up at canary wharf and waited for popsi to go there only to find out that the address that First bank gave for international stock purchases was somewhere else, and tehn pops was given a number of some citibank branch- he now called and they were now like 'sorry but we cannot actually deal with this stock purchase' and they gave him one number in LAGOS!!!!-AAARRRGGHH!!!-well chicks were scoping goiz in canary wharf who were on their lunch break- too mad!!-

oh my days, i didnt even tell you what i saw, this asian couple(no onler than 21) came out from the hood bit of canary wharf station all adjusting their clothes!!yes o!these people were doing the main steez!!!i was like huh!!!???what is this???oh my days!!these young people of they got balls!!i just looked at them in disgustt and then burst out laughin!!!- so back to the first bank shares malarkie!!so cos we couldnt actually purchase them here, we had to call some stock brokers we(k, my popsie) knew- but for some unknown reason, peeps were not pickin up!!there was this one guy that we really needed to contact cos the deadline was today and so we HAD to sort it out today- this was 4 o clock now and banks close at 5!!!so we were really rushing- 5 o clock came and went and still no word- i was gutted cos i just managed to land a healtthy number of shares after some negotiation with ma pops and sis for me galavanting across to saaf side to go and buy shares!!- so now at 6 o clock, one of my many business peeps in nige(k, my sisters but dont watch that) called to say that the deadline had been extended to july!!lol!!what a waste!!!its all good sha!cos i was soooo tired as well- woke me up from sleep at 11am in the morning!!i need a job!!

so ive got this arinze guy that im about to kill and some other moves here and there but we wont disclose yet cos thats work in progress!

oh my days- today i cricklewood!!!!i saw the scariest weave ever!!!see peroxide blond, see white, see burgrundy see purple( im soooo sure there was green but i dont wanna go ott)the weave was mad!!!i wanted to die!!!

anyho, paries gallore this hols, is it anonymous??is it fetish??sweet escape??rouge, belle de jour??ann ahnnn!!!too many parties!!but ill be hitting only belle and sweet escape and rouge!!!halla!!- the outfits are gonna be as cam'ron says 'KILLAA!!!!,killa!!!!!!!

well i gotta go now, peeps are shouting at me cos i been ill for 3 days- pray for me!!!as in the other day i got up really ill and i was like daddy, i think im gonna pass out- this was at 4 in the morning!!!this has happened two nights in a row now!!!

so flakey, now im unemployed, start organising Direct debit to my acct o!!!brokeness is not bounz!!!went to buka FAZE 2 today- the gizzard was MADDDDD!!really hot tho- need to excuse myself now- need to go and powder my nose(a.k.a - drop some WMD's- aka throw some D's aka evacuation of dollis hill)!!
sorry for being a tad crude!!!well see yall at belle de jour or rouge!!!

Friday, 8 June 2007

You've started again!!

I forgot to tell you what MR told me when he was askin me to come and talk to him outside(see last post)!!!when i said 'no' he said
'youve started again'!!!6
can you imagine??a whole VTI!!!like im a small child!!thats the thing with silly 9ja boys!!!them and their inferiority complex!!!silly mumu head!!!anyho, i sha told him that i was not his kid for him to be talkin to me like that!!KC boys have really bad communication skills!!lol!!- at least he doesnt sound RAZZ!!!lol!!-thats one thing ill give him credit for-not a razz bone in his body(im sure he has a few- heard him doin one funny funny britico accent to his flat mate- just had to raise my eyebrow over the phone- something like 'wos gowin on maite'-i was dying)

I kinda went to go and call him!!curiousity got the berra of me innit!!now im the mumu head and it really is Mr X-4 VTI-2 cos i boned but.....i didnt do it for long enough to get full points!!!
Ok so he has started his summer runz thanks to me!!!-how daft is that??ive actually let someone and encouraged someone to run game on me!!!lol!!or as that geezer in The Dent said 'LAWL'-hehehe!!!
so i called him so we could talk and he could say what was sooooo important!!- for where!!WHEN I SAY BEAT ABOUT THE BUSH!!!!! i thought i could beat about the bush!!!the guy pass me o!!as in serious cutlass beating around the bush!!i even had to make notes!!

Anyho...i kinda spoke to him for like the best part of an hour-k closer to 2 hrs but dont watch that!!-i dunno if i loike him(i dont wanna write like cos itll make it seem real)
anywhoo, we gisted!!tried to cuss me cos im not nigerian enough!!-errr well umm lets think about this for a quick minute, ive lived here for 16 years!!!!16 years!!!and im not even 25!!he is a mumu head!!he then went on to abuse me that i was 'spoilt'- spoilt ko spoilt ni!!he obviously hasnt seen the housegirl pics on facebook!!lol!!
anyho, i dunno what kind of runz this one is but id rather suss out the game before i get all on his case again-ive already massaged his ego so ive lost very crucial bonus points!!!never mind eh!!??

so what do i do now???yes im askin you!!cos i really dunno what to do!!I specifically tol dhim that i was not ready emotionally to deal with anything he had to say for himself and its true!!!-see me crying while watchin 'in her shoes'- yes i hear echoes of 'ode ni e' from blog world!!i know!!dont tell me!!! i was just sad cos the Camron diaz went to go and nyash her sisters man!!-deep move and then the sister found happiness!!im weird- sharrap i know!!
So VTI is cryin for no freakin reason- k i was crying cos i was upset cos i actually still like him!!-WTF??i know- im special!!-this is like the worst thing that can happen to someone like me!!i mean im a flippin hard babe!!!who the heck is he!!!-my mu squared friend went to go and give me the l word-no, not lesbian and not like...its the other other other word that i dread soooooooooooooo much!!as in, its one thing thatll make me avoid someone forever!!
I cant even bare the thought of me liking him to the 'L' extent!!AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!somebarry save me!!!

k. ok!!he wont find out but why the heck do i feel like this!!-flippin miserable cos i aint spokent to him!!-i feel a blogger slap from flakey trying to shake me up!!am i drunk or something??have a unknowingly started smoking beans again and gari??is it too much village palm wine???this one is mad!!

i still cant get over the fact that i cried!!-and i have deleted all the gay songs i havbe on my i pod so i dont accidently shuffle to that song!!-iuts funny how before the songs had no meaning but now its like the songs were written for me!!!-lol!!for example the old school song 'somebody elses guy' and pinks 'stupid girl'!! teedra moses 'be your girl'!!AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH!!!all these songs- i still have kelis's 'i hate you so much right now' and the usual wu tang stuvvs!!

K so we gisted for a while-but why is that makin me shake??as in b4 i called-see chicks hand shakin by the window- i think its cos mentally, i knew i had lost so i was physically trying to hold it together!!never mind!!

so my plan of action is this, on tuesday(if i can actually hold out until then), i will text him and say

'hey X, tis i.i really am not sure if this is some kind of silly game but i tend to lose games. and if this is part of your summer runz then really and truly, cross moi off the list.I dont need your type of wahala.honestly.I called cos i thought you actually had something to say but as it is, you are unwilling to disclose this so called 'very important' piece of information. If or when we speak again, if you still choose to not tell me, then we'll just end it there cos life is about progression and id rather not regress. Its not an ultimatum but know trhat when i called you the other day, I personally wanted to know what you had to say for yourself, regardless of what my friends had told me, be it excuse or for me to understand but you were not satisfied with my excuse for wanting to know-i suppose your way of dragging things out-typical 9ja guy(i know he'll love this cos u know 9ja guys like to feel different even though they could open a ralph lauren store between them-lol). so if this really is a summer move then pele. im not down for rubbish. I dont mind cutting you off-ive dont it before and i liked you wayyyyyyyy more then so this one is just a small ting!!I dont mind being your friend and in all honesty, thats all someone like me is emotionally capable of so dont worry, its not that deep. all the best mr casanova

think i said all i had to there but how the hecka am i gonna write that in a text- thats like 10 messages!!might as well be writing an essay!!!
do you think im bearing too much seein as we just started yarning again and he still(i think) has a a girlfriend or a main babe!!- I REFUSE TO BE 'THE OTHER GIRL'!!!!God forbid!!

Mr fineguy, you see what i mean with Yourubz goiz??the funny duddy games and strategies!!If he just says, 'VTI lets just be doin things on the side' then i know what to do-FASHI!! and if its some other deep move, (something 'genuine' dare i say) then ill consider it cos i do like him but he does tooo many funny moves!!!ahh ahhhhn!!We shall see innit!!-but there is one thing im stickin to 'no ring, no ting'!!lol!!standard!!-thats one thing that God has helped me with!!i know ppl say its hard in the 21st century but im covered by the blood of Jesus so nadas is gonna happen!!

So he is always laffin!!-im not likin it cos i think hes laughin at me as in LOL 'this babe, ur an ode' kinda laugh and not a 'gosh ur witty' kina thing!! as in... i dont think you understand-he is always laffin like one goat-mu squared!!fewlish gorlla!!I know im not that funny, my dad always tells me!!but then again, i do come up witht he most rediculous things to say!!i dont do it intentionally but i really think my brain is not conditioned for anything that is remotely classes as normal!!

heard he got 69 in his work!!-me and my ears sef!!sharp geezer innit!!-he is yet to shell!!-when he does ill laugh cos in the text i sent him i threw some mad shellz!!im sure he was laughin and tryin to take me seriously when he got that text!!!

Is that message ok to send or is it toooo much pho-neh for a KC guy!!lol!!anyho, lemme know peeps!!my life aint bee n this messed up in a while!!and to top it off, my other mate Mr backup decided to not pick up my call today- is it a conspiracy??

laters peeps

Sunday, 3 June 2007

oh my days!Ive finished

YEs now a graduand!!wooooho!!!bring out the dom perignon homie!!!this is a toast to all the people on blogger that have helped me in perbably the most emotional year of my life!!!golly gosh!!

anyho....see drama this weekend. i didnt want to say anything to jinx it but a while back i said i would start blogging on the 3rd of june for a reason-i was goin got this event on the second and i knew, I KNEW and i re-repeat, i knew that something jweezy (juicy) was gonna happen!!

so here what happened!!
went for an event following the end of my undergraduate life in one zone like this!!flippin hell. thought i was looking a bit mank(ugly) but i sha dressd up with my new hair and my MAD dress!! so i got there and everything....and ohhhh my day!!!i have never seen a nasty lookin bunch of people in my life(apart from my sexy ass friends and i) gowsh we were lookin tooo mad!!!
so i saw one geezer- the one i hate-ok i dont really hate him but i sha dont really care. saw him enuf tims before i even bothered to even ja him face cos the way i see things is that things were on a sour note and he is just an ass(said in a american accent-halla)!! so anyways now- the geezer was there-i just looked him up and down like anything- he gave one of those sheepish boyish looks which usually would make me feel a bit funny and my chest muscles(i dont have a heart you see) would start going 'ti je ti je ti' but this time i was soooo over this one!!-the way i see it is that i tried with him- hes even lucky that i responded to him especially cos hes friends with that dude that kissed and over over over told!! anyho, lemme set the scene....

VTI is sitting in the corner minding her own business-loookin soooo fly and im not even understating nothing!!i was lookin radient,ravishing and blommin regal!!anyho, i had just swapped shoes with my friend cos hers were hurting and everything and so i gave her mine!!anyho...these shoes were like 4 inches and mine were 2.5 so the difference was amazin-as in owwwmazing!!!talk about pain!!-i always wear flats as in always so when i got up and saw him i was like oh dear-lets hope i dont throw my dring at him-but i downed it instead-
anyho now, there was no way of avoidin him so i just did wharevva men!!had to walk through him to go to the bar for another stiff drink so i didnt say to him wat was really on my mind!!so as i got up my feet nearly gave way as in i wanted to die!!-so i managed to compose- so now our eyes met-he was smiling and i was not Catherine Tate bovvered i just gave one of my random fake smiles cos i really was not pleased to see him!!

so heres the conversation:
*he smiles-she looks through him like 'does this face look bovvered'
it-what are you doin here?(in a polite i think im funny kinda way)
sexy VTI-(also deaf VTI at this point)'huh'
it-what are you doin here?
VTI- im lost
it-when did you come?
VTI- today
it-when ar you leaving?
VTI- ....(ok at this point these questions are just simply silly and im getting beyond tired of these same ol same ol questions-but then again 9ja boys arent one for originality-as in if Jayz or diddy aint worn it, its not cool)-'look, ill speak to you later'
and that was the end of that...until later on!!see me see wahala!!there was an after party-
how many times can you play d banj why me???gosh- for a sec i thought it was for me- lol!!the words 'get paranoid much??' came to mind

so at the after parry, chicks had to change and give them some new baffs Black Jesus says 'its by force by force'!!lol!!
looking again tooo fly!!what can i say...its not reazy!!lol!!

so anyhow, lookin fly so no wonder the goizer started his uselessness again!!
so he now sees me and smiles-like proper grinning-and i am not impressed cos i said i wasnt gonna go to the after parry cos it was at his house with that mutant rat known as his friend!!
anyhow now he smiles and sees me and a give the most confused face. so hes now there lookin for me to respond but i no go gree
it- so should i not be smiling
VTI-*blank face*
it-so how are things?
VTI-(not bovvered at this time cos i thought my chest muscles would tense up and everything but i was just there lookin at him)- i just gave him the chinese ok sign
it-whats with the one word answers
VTI-im fine and you?
it-look can i talk to you outside?
VTI-*by this time awon geezer had already grabbed my hand-i sha moved it cos i was not feelin that move at all!!!''no'
it- why not?i just wanna talk to you for like 2 minutes
it-0dont you think its a bit rude that you dont even want to listen to what i have to say?
VTI-no not really
it-*he repeated the same thing again*
VTI- ok i know its your house and in that respect i think its rude but i dont really think its rude
it-forget about it being my house-irrespective of that- you dont want to hear what i me out-(or something like that)
VTI- err no. I dont
it- so you dont want to know what i have to say
VTI- *slight hesitation cos you know i really wanted to know but i flippin boned man!!!yes-chicks maintained!!i was soooooooo proud of myself cos i coulda easily just sed ok but that owuld have meant that it was Mr X- 4, VTI -1 cos this game was about double points!!

so he now went and said 'ok.fine.and he went off'- im sure it really wasnt that important-so i keep telling myself- well unless he was gonna propose!!-lol!!-im just jokin!!God forbid bad thing for me yo marry some Yourubs geezer!!i rebuke all bad things over my life in the name of Jesus!!
so that was the end of that.
his cousin was like you ok VTI?i was like 'yeah im good' he now went are you sure i was like yeah-even tho i was thinkin 'yeah, your cousn is a twat' but its only cos i was brought up with manners that i allowed it and cos as much as i really dont like him like that-im still human you know so i still have compassion of idiots!!-lol!!
anyho, thought about him today and got that stupid ugly feeling!!AAAARRRGGGHHH!!!its cos my friend said something to me and i was like -oh no!!i really dont wanna like him again!!that was sooo annoying!!!his girlfriend is wayyyyyyyyyyy to nice to have me likin her man!!I dont e

Monday, 21 May 2007

Randomation...not an interesting post

so, ppl. whats the deally. exams are round the corner and i is blogging!!i need to get serious. After this blog, ill be MIA til the 3rd!!i need to men!!-First class dont come eazy!!
anyho, today, went shopping with my imaginary money!!NEed to call pops for douche men!!-i aint broke or nothing but i need some stuvvs to buffer me up during the parry season- you get me!!-Courvorsier and Dom Perignon rose dont come cheap you know- I aint the type of chick that allows guys to buy them drinks at the bar cos at the end of it, what if the guy cant afford you?that would be mucho embarrouzzing!!-
k as you can tell, this blog is random banter about the not so important things that are going on in my oooo soooo not interesting life!!On the other front, i got me some shoes!!ok, im making it sound like a big deal like i dont have shoes but these are bounz!!!as in......they are from office and i cant wait to rock em!!Ive got a mad shoe fetish!!as in i love mens shoes!!i can tell a man by his shoes!!no, really!!all them 9ja boys that went to buy the classic chuck taylors-i know who you are-think nowadays they do the whole vans and all that but they should just leave that to me!!i been collectin Vans since i was a wee toddler!!-k not really- started about a year ago but dont tell anyone cos they'll think im not cool anymore!!lol!!

on another note, ive finally written all my revision notes and so its about major jacking!!Its time to thank God!!As in really, he is good, wonderful and merciful!!

K, someones uncle is charrin to me in the uni compurra harea!!warris gohin hon!!Peeps should allow me!!WHY!!!its not fair, cant you disturb someone else!!-yes and again today in town, one uncle Titus Babatunde went and smiled at me- Mr 3 ft 7 emerges again but with a different face!!gosh!!LEAVE ME ALONE!!this time i laff it off cos the geezer is just smiling like i just told him he was going to heaven!!

I need a new purse!!gosh this tattered leather Dior one is sooo finished!!ive had it for 3 or so years and it has really suffered!!-its quite big-some of my frineds call it a portfolio but i dont care cos when i bought it, i thought-correction, i knew i was bounz stuvvidelingos!!ah ahhhhh!!i really felt like one hot mama!!any opportunity to bring it out, see me carry my head and my wallet (which some people argue have the same dimensions) to the student shop just to buy Ribena!!-yes im still a kid!!Ribena rocks tho-as in i really dunno why they dont sell it in clubs!!i was sooo happy when my cousin introduced me to Zobbo(cant spell)!!It made my trip to nige manageable-sippin on some malibu laced zobbo and pineapple- im not an alchie-i just like cocktails!!
Anyho, back the the situation- i need a wallet!!the problem is if i spend money on a wallet, i wont have money to put in it!!-so whats a lady to do?The wallet i want is about £300- its not my fault that only Oscar De la Renta makes brown and olive ostrich leather purses with gold trimmings!!-gosh the thought of that bag!!!-Anyone willing to donate???-never mind- looks like its daddy dearest once again!!-i cant believe it!!-im graduating and i still get money from my parents!!-yes i can hear the abuse now, 'you should be ashamed of yourself VTI'- ok- ill chill on the purse!!ill get some more shoes from Offices vintage range and a pair of pink flamingo vans(either that or the ones with the snakes-but i know momsi will not allow that in the house-shell be telling me about some demonic stuvvs)!!
so pink flamingo vans and some more sexy shoes!!
K ive got a PJ party to attend and i dunno what to wear!!i was thinking.....tracksuit bottoms and a baggy tshirt(with a bra oooo)!!I dunno tho- dont wanna be lookin manish- but the shirt would have the statement 'Have you got the H factor?- Nigeria'-lol!!-do you get it?like X factor but for nige!!k, it wasnt that funny but allow me, my brain has been doin funny stuff of late!!dry jokes men- im only doin the shirt cos the pesin thats havin the parry is the one that 'kissed and over-told'(thanks JB) (see the previous post)- and hes got a mad h factor!!lol!!lmao!!hehehehe-im so mean-so what!! was just funny!!-k it wasnt really like lmao and piss myself laughing while trying not to cough up my lungs but it was aight!!-theres this one babe (VF chicka to be specific) that goes to ma uni and she was like 'oh, VTI, we are planning a trip to Milan for a day...' 'no thanks.ive been already.' the babe was like 'oh' and then afterwards she continued and i was like 'but anyway, milan is not somewhere you can do in a day...all the shops and Il Duomo..nah'-she just looked at me like 'uh ok.'

i dunno what posessed me- dont know what i was feeling like!!Think i did that cos i just wanted to feel- sometimes the babe likes to do one kind one kind and im not feeling it!!-k the chick is razz and her 9ja accent is tick(thick)!!its like she just came of the boat men!!slurred speech and just that whole slow 9ja-im-a-VF-babe- and shes not even that buff!!k, shes a fine babe but she aint all that to look at me!!One thing i can comment her for is her razzness coupled with her confidence!!-she doesnt kno how razz she is which makes her just tooo funny!!!- i do like her, dont get me wrong but sometimes i feel like she doesnt realise that this is Jand and nobody gives a monkeys about your surname!!-her surname aint even something well known- shed prolly have to go to her remote village before anyone even acknowledges her-but me-ahh ahhhhh see chiks 'flawwwzzzen' in ABJ- from when chicks land at Nnamdi Azikwe- see all the soldiers-back straight-see police escort!!-its not easy i tell you!!-ok slight exaggeration- the soldiers back is straight cos he just saw commander and police escort is for the car in front of me!!-i dont wish to have it tho-draws more attn to me- and i get enough as it is in that tinted clk!!ko eazzzzeee-i know!!i do like bussin effizayyy once in a while tho-just for trips mainly!!

this brings back memories of ABJ.....

i remember once, my sisters tutor(can u imagine, we went on holiday and my popsi put my sister in a private summer tution class-lol-daddy-i luff u mehn) saw us walkin from our cousins house one late evening!!thats how, when we entered (we decided to walk home than get our cuz to pick us up cos we wanted to feel like the normal peeps that didnt have ride for everything)
so we enter our house and then, soon after, someone is banging on the gate(that dense mettalic sound-guy doesnt realise that we have a flipin door bell outside)anyho, thats how the guy now asked the gateman if two bounz babes lived there and all-he didnt even know his pupils name hbut he was now givin the guy our vital stats!!lol!!so the gateman said he should try the other house cos no woman dey dia!!needless to say that as soon as i told popsi, that was the end of my sisters tuition!!- it used to be so bad sometimes that i would have to pick her up cos she didnt want to walk back alone- she get booty and i as big sis must protect her and the big booty!!-

anyho, dunno, im ouddie!

Friday, 11 May 2007

when trouble sleep, yanga go wake am...

sorry about the last blog-dunno what i was thinkin!!The guys is plain silly- God fogive me for not handed in my dissertation today!!!!wooo hooo!!!going to town in a bit!!!lookin like a mega tramp- my eyebrows have overgrown out my hair is a hot mess and i had to literally run to drop my diss off!!-i just kept praying to God and men lets just say God is amazing!!in the space of ten minutes, i went to the cash point, took money out, flew to the other side of the university to put money on my print card, then i had to go up a flight of stairs to print my work then go to the print shop to bind it and last of all, do some Lindford christie sprint to my department!!!When God wants to stop time, he will o!!!!as in Matrix kinda runs-
im off to town to buy a dress from Joy-either that or sleep and then go to London!!men ive missed the zones!!-gonna def do some 02 runs men!!its gorra be done innit!!i might even give them luxury meals and drop some nandos- as in funds get as e be men!!spoke to popsi yesterday cos i text my cousin who lives with us that i wanted some shares at first bank so i can start building up my portfolio!!what can i say- daddys girl!!I text my cousin at 3 in the morning!!but that one sha likes to do hardguy in Abuja and hes always out so no biggz!!
So anyho, popsi calls me-and he NEVER calls me cos he'll go on about how i love to chat bare breeze-k not those exact words *imagine daddy saying 'mate, ur chattin bare breeze'lol*
anyho, he did the whole 'I hope youre not dear VTI, my credit is running low so do take care of yourself'- lol!!this is daddy that has phone credit like 10k every week!!its his problem if he doesnt want to hear my luffly voice!!
k, so the pimping season is here-its looking a tad bit gloomy outside but im happy on the inside (that was gay abi?)
so anyho, just thought id drop a few lines- some gist of course when i go to london!!!i thank God i had time to hand in my dissertation!!wahey- so if you see me in 02, dont be afraid to halla!Im the hench lady with an insurmountable amount of facial hair and dreadlocks for braids and clothes outta camden!!lol!!not really- but you knew that anyways - Flaky, i read your bolg...............-i had to wash my eyes out with Izal men! You are mega freaky- i just went back to my work men!!

Oh dear, found out that one guys chick is on blogger that i USED TO like!!lol!!small blogworld innit?gosh...All this 9ja peeps and the 6 degrees of separation-its mad o!!say for example my class mates older brothers friend went out with my mate from college.and my mate from college later on went out with one geezer that used to work with/for my dad!!-want more?k, my other college friend(no, i had more than two but going to one of the top private schools in the south of england(see how i dropped that-lol-k it wasnt top but nucca aksss about me, nucca axsss about me...'- im teewwwww excited- i feel the urge to cook!!!fancy some egusi with shaki, dried fish and fried gizzard??yea ok then-go make it yourself!!
k, im off to town to but my skandelous dress to wear tomorrow-dunno where im going to but i sha hope its not 02!!lol- flakey, i see ur already waiting for me at the the chinese restaurant

Wednesday, 9 May 2007


yes o!!some fucker decided to claim my virginity magically when nothing went down!!k not nothing- GOd knows that i didnt have sex with him or give or receive bodily fluids!!
Big mouth and small penis!9ja boys and their lies!!Before i was sure he would yarn the whole of the world that he ALMOST conquered VTI but this one where hes saying he reached promised no grab o!!!that ode!!Hes lucky that i aint got time for his useless rubbish!!so basically he told my friend that I like him!!!-i wrote a blog yday but a slip of the hand and the stuvvs was gone!!i was vex!!It had some babalawo type cusses but all ill say is this- the guy has raping potential and I wish that noone does to any of his kids what he did to me!!
Its cos Im too mannered!!the fucker!-k im sorry for swearing but this one really got to me- this is the retarded h factor unilag reject, bastard child of CROSS BREED MUTANT RAT!!K SORRY God but i had to let that one out-
My motivation is now Psalm 37 vs 7 to 11!!I just hope the guy has asked for Gods forgiveness for lying (and trying to lie with-no pun intended)his property!!you know who you are and if you are by chance reading this-God forgive you cos Im not sure if i want to!!Fair enough if stuvvs happened and then ur tellin peeps warrever, thats my own fault but this one where ur tellin peeps about VTI's promised land and all that-which chicks aint even seen kon sef is MADNESS and then to top it off ur telling my friend-MY OWN FRIEND THAT I LIKE UR SKANK ASS!??as in mate, ur smokin some sturvvs- get off your high horse you twat face and go pick the pimples off your face!!can you imagine what he told my friend when she wanted to correct him on a few stuff???-he said that I was fronting!!L-O freakin L!!!since when was ghetto blasting niggaz a sign of fronting!!??I dont like you you goat!!bloody rapist-stupid rat!should i get a shirt that says 'twat face *&^%$, i dont like ur skank ass.simon cowell has the x factor but you have the H factor'??geeez!!!!lol!!!slimy rat!!!fewwlish morafrukah!!!ode!!Ok God, sorry.but hes makin me a bit angry- not a little bit!!a lot!!
bearing in mind this haoppened well over a year ago!!as in stop holding on to old glory- its like going on about england winning the world cup in 1966!!jo as in, derry geezer, gerrout of the system!!
If he wants to lie against my name hes got another thing comin men!!my surname especially!!the fire of God will find him and either transform him or destroy him!!

k back to the revision- hope every1 is ok!!Freedom in forgiveness abi!!as in why did he have to lie about my V card stuvvs!??ehn???thats just below the belt- to say i like you is flippin laughable- you know the laughable that you roll on the floor and start crying and ten all of a sudden need to pee real bad??thats how funny it is!!May God have mercy on you cos you are a meance to society. hope all is well and all peeps-
good luck in your exams-might psot something this weekend but i cannot promise o!!
must mention flaky for her mad blog about stew!!it was sooo funny!!i remember doing it once but ive never done it since cos that was evil and madness rolled up in one men!!Ex hubby(dunno if were die-vorced), im seriously feelin the lib runz-i even tried me somma that the other day but i did it avec the whole Damsel in Distress!!im lovin it lovin it lovin it!!im loving it like this!!ciao!Peace up ajegunle town down men!!Olla men!!

Thursday, 3 May 2007

yo yo yo...shek eeigh rout-razzelina in the hizzouse!!!


so back to other stuff-went to the cirry cenrra yesterday-kai- someone stole my jacket from paul smith!!the jacket is tooo mad-the last one as well- k, it was about £190 and the fit was too on point, had one of those couture kinda finishes-im using the word 'couture' lightly for akll you fashion boffins out there cos I know its a patent in France-but welcome to England!

anyhow, this jacket was bounz and they dont have any more- i even went as far as to call the paul smith store in Edinbrugh to find out if it was there!!nah men- Devil ur a liar and i will find the jacked and buy it and not eat for a week!!i am willing to do that!!

So back to some other silly ramblings, i was in the cirry cenrra at a bus stop (i know-VTI at a bus stop- what is the world coming to?-lol)so im there now yammin up some mad ass samosa i bought from the shops- its quite a warm day, im giving them some slouchy lowrise trousers and a bright hoody and am well hot-and hungry for that matter!!so im there chillin and what do i see across the road??can you guess??no its not those ghetto ass pikins pushin pikins stuvvs wearing fake von Dutch or as i like to call it 'Von no Douche' clothes head to toe!some people are really mezzed- all that cheap 'bling'...

yeah, so at the bus stop.starving like marvin earrin my samosa like some size zero model who aint eaten for a hot minute- seee me see trouble- Some random geezer is across the road taking pictures of me eating my life away!!kai!!...
i even made a lil song on the bus on my way back to my yard-
its a remix of that bit of queens bohemian rhapsody that goes
"i see a little silouette o of a manskara cush sara bush will you do the van tango, thunder bolt and lightening, very very frightening...galileo galileo...blah blah blah"
it goes
"i see a man takin piccies across the road, skara bush skara bush, and with a nicon camera... thunda fiya him, cos its very very frighteneing, kile-lei? kile-lei?"

too much time on my hands my dissa is due in a few hours!!

k, and i need to apologise to a particular member of my blog fam- broda Sleighrra, ehn- if u senz some oztiliry hin the commenth of your recent post,-sorry o-i just dey vex cos of exam stress and de fak da e true o- game work well well- i fall for am once- i even see am appen but my art no gree to ouddi that geezer-yes-u hear am fest here- VTI sed sowry- it aint pms- exams stress and the whole war the eck em i gorra do when i graduhate!??-anyho, thats 4 lines jack, back to ma blogarina gisting with some propa hinglish- my pidgeon izz heffed!!i try ha-anyhowz,

I reconciled with one of my old chums- she is actually a nice person even tho she can do stuvvs she sometimes that are effed, i know what shes about now so ive grown to like her with her faults cos God knows that as much as i try and attain perfection, i got faults too!!-did i just say that?Am i maturing?lol- wishful thinking!!

anywho, on the geezer front, i feel like such a perv- theres this one geezer that ive been giving ma free time to(as opposed to revision)- the issue is that the guy is doin his first year and chicks are in their third- i dont need advice-just wanted to blog about it you know- but feekl free to call me a paedo- k, hes like 23 and he is one of those fresh of the boat kyna goiz so its not like hes part of those guys who have been in uni 10 years- don 1st year about a minimum of 5 times and the other five times they managed to get into chichester college to do foundation year- only to fail that and start an online degree programme from a university that doesnt exist!-k im rude- its not like i go to cambridge or oxford but it sha aint Lancaster college of art, media and fake degree!!

k imma go now, boring blog- just had to get the first few lines off my chest- cos i was getting mad!!like really mad- the mad where your mom will just find anything in sight when you feel like you can stand up to her and tell her that you have feelings too!-see Hausa silpas with dunlop tire sole fly across the room!!lol-funny times men!!mommi I love you and I thank God that God chose you to be my mom- youre unintentionally funny, rude(not in a rude way, no need for slipa(slippers) flying), sharp, God fearing, compromising and a mad cook-even though lil sis said my beans was nicer than yours the other day-!!Your husband is very lucky indeed!!
and daddy- the most articulate 9ja man I know- i hope my husband is as tolerant,hardworking,God fearing, mild, funny, sarcastic(thats where i get it from), articulate, and smart as you- and loves kids as much as you do!!-the best dad when ur not working!!an absolute Legend mate!!-spending time with you is a humbling feeling!!-love you both- even though id never say this in person cos id start chokin- i think you two are amazing and I dont know what the WORLD-yes WORLD- would be without you!!-You will forever be a blessing from God!!i love you!!May the blood of Jesus protect and keep you with us to see ALL your granchildren grow into adults!!-I love you!!

didnt realise i could write all that stuff about my parents-well not in that way- thank God for blogging!!
k gorra go now, been chillin for a while now so imma go and do so mad reading
lurff u-
p.s.- does anyone kno where to get gold metallic reebok high tops from??i really wan em!!that and some shoes that are mad-

Thursday, 26 April 2007

I just couldnt keep away...

So I said i wasnt gonna blog til the third-which is when my examenzz finito forever...until i do a masters!!but i just had to escape from the mad world that we all live in...
not much has gone on since is last blogged.
I got turfed(pushed) back to uni to start jackin hard for that first class in all my modules(Can I get an amen?-ok then, ill say it myself-AMEN!!-I can do all things through Christ who strenthens me...)

Anyho, at Kingscross station the other day now and what freakin happens??No, it wasnt the ticket was some other metroline worker(bus driver to the rest of you beauties)...and then i see this leprachaun...-its like ive been jazzed with short babatunde lookin brodaz!!!no offence but i think i can do berra that 3ft 7!SO one short geezer now hollerz at me while im lugging all the food that i collected from yard(is it gari, is it ekamu, is it egusi? I nabbed everything from my yard before momsi could blink)- so theres VTi hobbling along the underground with 1 suitcase and 2 medium sized hold-alls!!

by the way, why do they call it A SUIT CASE?im sure if i wikipedia it, itll gimme some long ting gist about that was its intended purpose in the 'olden days'...

Anyho now, me still struggling, some Babatunde/Tokunbo now looks at me straight and as he 'accidently on purpose' brushes past me he smiles and says hello!!I was laffin like a mad goat at the station!!WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE DWARFS MEN??as in, what makes them think its ever gonna work out???like really??

can you imagine??actucally lets imagine together....a few years down the line VTI is married to MR 3 foot 7- leaving a whopping 2 foot 4 to deal with- can somebody say chronic back pain???so now 3ft 7 walks into the kitchen while VTI is makin poundo. he now tuggs at my trouser leg cos obviously, he cant reach my shoulder. VTI being all the way up there thinks its one of the children and shrug her leg to try and move what she believes to be the child...but it doesnt budge...she tries again...nothing...nadas..this pikin wants she kicks it without looking only to hear a manly ROAR!!This is how domestic violence happens- I refuse to be a statistic!!

Anyho, having major yam with my dissertation- went to go and see my supervisor- the guy don audi!!twat face!!when i find him ehn!!so now im there like oh sheeet!!I knock on his office door only to find one of the few nice peeps in the department that likes in the guy has helped me since first year men- was givin him 70+ in his exams- one omo ghana geezer- dont worry it aint like that- hes got a wife that works at reception!!
the guy was really helpful but he didnt wanna help me too much cos its my dissertation and its supposed to be independent!!hissssssssssssss!!

I leave the office and see one chick rollin up a spliff and chillin on the carpet- so theres me- stressed out with the dissertation that is just a pain in my nyash-every time i think about it, i feel like the time i puked up after drinkin half a bottle of blossom hill and only eating a slice of bread and indomie for the whole day....horrid stuvvs

so back to the chick rollin up a mean green one in the green area outside my department- the girl looked like she was enjoyin...No i didnt want to join her but i wanted to have that kind of freedom men...JUNE 3RD!!!

hmmm hmmm hmmm...on the goiz front...geez ive done the impossible!!!no, i dont fancy any of my popsis friends- ALLOW it men!!!can you imagine daily punch magazine?VTI in love triangle withher popsis friend..

So yeah, I fancy my friends brother!!gosh. Im sooo finished!!shes gonna hang me by my hair!!im in trouble o!!hes almost as funny as me- almost but not quite!!- academically sharp guy-a corporate lad-sharp dresser- just sharp-has his own yard-music taste is on point- she is really gonna ruff me up!!it wont last for long but for the fact that i do...i class him as my older bro men- whats is this?k...ill take a step back!!

ITs bad o!!!see, there was this guy i used to like a million years ago(2 years)...anyho, dude sha found out and all...the worst thing that can happen to moi cos i start actin a fool bruv!!like real idiot!!like imagine those girls that just sharrap and stare at you when usually they are bouncin on wall and ish...- what did u say??GROW up??ok i will one day- but im just coy like that innit!
Anyho, bac to Edo boy- see this guy is just noooice- he met momsi by accident even- k we go to the same church so its bound to happen- since the guy found out chicks were feelin him, he was really pleasant and everything but i hid!!hed say wasup(to make convo, not like SOME 9ja boys that say wassup cos they are feelin like celebrities!!lol-get a grip mate)

Met him at church- plays the guitar-learnt it in 2 years- always helps out in church!!all that kinda thing-so basically VTI was worried she would corrupt him so she stopped that chess move and moved to his friend-BY ACCIDENT!!!!!I didnt know they were friends- it was only after Mr A now mentioned going restaurant hopping with Mr Edo that i was like- oh church as well!!Mr A is ma homeboy, he didnt text me back when i confessed my undying like for him but i forgave him and hes never mentioned it so im happy!!!- he likes to think hes berra lookin than me but every1 knows the deal-cos he used to model...hiss!!!Tyra called me you know!Hes always askin me about the blokes im blockin at uni but i sha blast hims with the whole 'i got too much work to be doin to be lookin after one (or more) bobos!!
I told him a few stories but the guy doesnt believe nadas(nothing) has happened since i been in uni WRT guys- hes always sayin 'One day some lucky guy is gonna make your heart skip a beat and make you cry'- he only does it cos he knows i hate all that gay shit!anyho, i dont have a tear duct and my heart skipped a beat when i bought the new Joe album!!-ok so, i am turning a bit gay and winey with regards to my music tastes- forgive me- Ill bring out my Jurassic 5 album and the roots to rock tonight so i dont go soft in my old age...

Anyho, spoke to Mr Edo and ahhhhhh, i remembered y i liked the dude when i was like 16/17- well mannered, polite, BRITISH(none of that 9ja 'Kilon pops' garbage), well spoken, God fearing and all that-lives in boujie Bayswater- i know hes notfrom north west but its west london so its ok!!!!dude was really askin when im going back to school and when im comin back and all that silly stuff- when i said mid june he was like 'really?' i was like yeah...(didnt wanna say 'cos i gotta party ma ass of before i come back to London'- I told him i saw him on stage playin...SEE TEETH!!lol!- i told him i was gonna be singing- he smiled thinkin i actually could sing- you shouda seen the disappointment when i told him i suspected myself of being tone deaf- cute guy men-we will see-another summer post- im thinkin dinner at that Malay restaurant in chelsea avec MrA and a few other church chums-

oh and then there is that youngie guy at the uni- one first year guy- hes bulked up now- fresh to def- bless him- i remember at international day festival tge guy was propa lookin to say hello- i sha avoided it til near the end and all of a sudden he wanted me to take a pic with him- without any hello or nothing- it was only after that we gisted small-Mallam guy-yellow- dont usually go for them- its all about what i refer to as 'chocolate thunder'-

and last but by no means least- my proposal online- lol!!somebarry pick me up from the floor!!Seein as its my blog- thought id let you know it made my shitty day better-i was laughin like a fox on crack!!gettin 'on one knee'...not really how i envisioned it- but then ive never really thought about it- gay stuff!!

oh, and guys are effed- as in- i dunno what to say anymore- and 9ja guys need to understand that syphillis/gonorrea/AIDS is real!it is not a fake disease that oyinbo peeps invented to keep peeps from gbenshing/strap and straddling!! some guys are just derry men-

Thursday, 19 April 2007

KC yarns-again, I KNOW!but its the last and my spring clean holiday!!

k so i was jobless and I love Wikipedia to bits so i ended up lookin at sec schools in Nigeria- I dunno how i got there but thats the joy of combining joblesness and the internet!!
So back to my Wiki wow Wiki wow wow west wikepedia!!
I had a look at KC and what rubbish did i see??I think this is the only wikipedia page that is full of bull!!
Can u imagine a Wikepedia page that states 'KCOB for life'????Like hello??get a grip. this is not a playground...I was in stitches...
if ur bored, do have a look.

Oh and Ive decided to forgive someone after 15years!!!I know but something sha hit me this morning and I told God that i was willing to let go of all that!!It was doin me more harm than good so i just forgave the person and am moving on with life...I used to call him an bastard and all sorts of other badd baaad words but now Ive decided to bless him!! Karma is a bitch and it will bite you in the bum so my anger and hatred aint gonna do nothing!!
Ill go into detail in a future blog but right now, Im feeling a tad too exposed for this so ill wait a lil!!That idiot- See his head- he doesnt come to the house any more for contract cos daddy aint around at the mo- Stupid cotractor geezer with his thick irish accent and those retarded NHS glasses!!OK i said i forgave him but something in me just wants to hold on!!
Sorry if chicks are doing too much coded yarns for you but im starting to question my anonymous nature on blogger- thinkin of going back to Xanga where no barry knew me for nadas!!Ive actually met some people on here and it freaks me out cos they might find out who i am...-

So i need to do a proper blog- I found something out today that could cause trouble...hmm what to do.what to do...
does anyone wanna donate some money to VTI??Daddy no dey for London and Momsi is just momsi innit!! Ill mail you ma bank details!I forgot to tap popsi's financial current before he travelled!!I dunno what to do, poverty is a bad thing!!But i still have some mad baffs that i aint rocked so its aight!One vintage stuvvs with some clevage(cant spell but whats new-)!'there may be trouble ahead...but while theres moon light and music and love and romance..'

Anyhow, Love you all like jeremy Paxman!!- and that love is beyond deep!!its the 'real love' mray j was yarning about!!

Oh and im going away for a while- i prolly wont be missed but Ill be back on the 3rd of June! Need to focus on a few things.
Ill still be checkin your sites frm time to time, Yosh, simply, beyond, my poetry genius Miss pearce and Jack Slarra ma numero uno hard guy on blogger-imma miss ur comements!!Hmmmmm had some gist i found out about HG 101 but its ok- ill hold ma tongue til the third!!

Keep on praying- Ephisians 6vs 18

luff u teww mash.

Sunday, 15 April 2007

Evolution by VTI- sponsored by the Royal Society of Chattin Bare Breeze!!

I know its late but i just wanted to write wats goin on in my not so cool life!!K is the world changing or what!!!(rhetorical qn-)So i went to brent cross today and oooo my days!!they moved Topshop!!like WTF?? k my two main zones were on point but TOPSHOP??NOO they moved it downstairs where Benneton used to be!got ma photo taken also- im a bit of a celebrity(lol-i wish) and that light skinned security guard is still hot but now hes a plain clothed security officer!!-guy is sha fine me- givin us segzy eyes outside Hugo Boss!!

and then i took a bus(i, on a bus!no fam to drive chicks around!!-least its not a molue type bus!!. So i was on the bus in Kilburn, lookin for Buka....couldnt find it- all i was thinkin is 'kai. this london has finished me- no Mc Donalds in Golders Green, no mama Calabar in Hendon and no freakin BUKA?' so I looked at the post and was blinded men- some white sign-not sure what the writing was but i was sooooo confused staring into the new white board that i didnt catch the had buka disappeared??

I remember when i was like 17/18 (2003/2004) and i found out that my dear friend was giving head to her stupid ass KC boyfriend who was like 21/22!!(gosh i forgot to add this to my anti KC boy tally- minus 7).As i know her very well, i knew she was doing it to fit in -her first BF and all.but i didnt get it cos I didnt do stuvvs nor did the dudu ones in our crew but the oyibo ones in our crew were hmmm-DL chicks!!all her silly Oyinbo friends were... all those babes who like to pass STD's(sexually transmitted diseases) round like its a bowl of Kolanut!!allow!!
so my friend is quite insecure and she always wanted to be in the whole 9ja circle-have a popular guy -look nice- be known!!-ok she finally is (after compromising A LOT!!)cest nes pas by force to be 9ja)- but im just sad cos this coulda been avouded if she listened to VTI!!k, so im not popular, dont dress fly and dont have a mingeraka-ugly man beast) for a boyfriend but im still a hard babe with a MAD rep!!

but its sooo sad to see how desperate peeps will go. Ok the KC guy was quite popular but he no fine-as usual. Just be doin 'hardguy' and that was what was makin the chick trip for him!!-you know the segzy walk wey be like say they are partially limping (us london peeps call it a bop)- i remember seeing one guy doin the segzy walk but he effed it up!!it was like the guuy was jumping!!i was in a fit of laughter!!!saw KC tally 7 recently in Colindale on the train platform with one Oyinbo chick- the guy was now scoping chicks while he had babe!!hiss!!useless guy...the guy is now like 25 and still jobless roaming round parrys like he gets paid to do that!!

i shouldnt cuss- hes acually rather nice to chat to(minus americana hassent which he managed to acquire whilst in Maryland.......Ikeja!!)
So i stopped talkin to her cos she lied when asked if she was doin the steez which was saddening cos from when you start bucking, it all goes belly up!Guilty by association men!!!I wasnt brought up to be doin stuvvs like that til ur married and ive had a wonderfully sheltered childhood!!The thing is , we found out from one babe who im not too close to and nor is the babe but because she was doin the steez i suppose she wanted tips and all-From when she lied, i knew our friendship was a wrap cos i dunno what else shes lied about! i suppose by her going out with him she raised a few eyebrows cos every1 was like who is this babe sorta thing- Kc guy doin britico chick!!bless her- its sad cos shes such a stunning babe and now shes sacrificed one of her few gifts from God to someone who probably didnt want to marry her!!eyyy yaaa!!!-sob story- this was the point in my life where things just started changing!!my song at this point was KEANE-everybodys changing!!

PART 2!!!!!came to uni. and just learnt sooo much about peeps- fake peeps esp!!gosh they are sooooo transparent!!and learnt 9ja lingo- 'grazing milk' and 'tappin current' and 'STUVVS'!!everything is STUVVS- 'thats mad stuvvs' 'we were doin stuvvs' 'whats the mad stuvvs?'-

Life lesson at uni??- hmmm...YEAH!!!i learnt that people had sex B4 marriage!!that was like woah to me cos Ive easily managed to abstain from the 'STUVVS' so i thought we all were in the same boat- it dawned on me that if youre in an environment that is condusive to your sexual development, then stuvvs will i really did bask in Innocence- it wasnt ma fault- my fam & friends didnt talk about it so i assumed it was married peeps talk!!-even wen they mentioned stats about the % of peeps sexually active, i said it was overexaggerated and a conspiracy by the govt for peeps to have sex cos they had shares in Durex(warped-i know) and also wanted to encourage peeps to have sex cos of the deomgraphic timebomb!!-contradiction...

i live with ultra conservative parents who still say 'SEXUAL INTERCOURSE' and only started talkin to ma older bro about condoms (the guy is 25)- she was like 'I know you are....ummm...of age...and now that you have relations with might even be havin SEXUAL INTERCOURSE' at this point my bro was blushing!!he just interrupted saying 'yes ma.yes ma. yes ma.' and walked out of the room.

K so im getting a bit worried about global warming!!dunno why but i am. The ice caps are melting!!WE need to pray bout it oooo!!its a big deal- saw a pic of snowdonia in Wales- THER WAS NO SNOW!!!!!!!!

other talk- God mostly
Ok so went to church today and it was bounz!!as in just what the doctor ordered!!So the msg was about Seeking God and how sometimes as christians we like to sell God short. eg -we ask for gold but we get silver and settle not realising that God is the God almighty and is blessing you with Gold and Silver!!Made some money from doin a few house chores this weekend and spent 1/2 of it on a christian book!!- my first ever self-purchase...i sense a revolution in the air!!I love my church soooo much!!Its helped me through hard times men!!

Somewhere in the service, they started talking about strong hearts and how we must have hearts that God can mould- I immediately though about my silly hard babe persona!!It really is not necessary!! and it really is not a reflection of who VTI is about-but for the beings amongst us like Mr Jack Slater imma have to maintain my game cos y'all need to be taught a few lessons!!'take me down a step or two??lol! you dont know chicks men- but ill educate you a lil!!
k hardbabe will emanate- only when 9ja peeps start with their rubbish of 'whos ur dad' 'what school did u go to' where do u like?? and all that ish!!but cos im britico they talk to me like im one london chicka that wears tracksuit bottoms and sellotapes my hair to my forehead-ode- good thing im not too much of a mugu!!!its funny cos when i tell em ma popsi is Director of one company (need to remain anonymous)and we live in ikoyi - they start adressing me PROPERLY!!lol!!money chasers!!Go and chase God o not me cos me im chasing after God!!

k thats me done- this blog is getting boring!!my life is soooooooo not interesting- come end of may- see drama!!
take care my lovelies and remember- God is real.